Not On Fire (Phan AU)

08 | guilt

Louise has been around for a long time, longer than Dan's officially thought of her as a friend, that is. And if there's one thing Dan has learned about her in all this time it's that she likes control. She likes telling him what to do and what not to do, and he listens because he doesn't like control. Except there is one thing that Dan can't stand when it comes to Louise interfering with his life: her opinion on his smoking habit.

                Louise calls cigarettes death sticks and says he's going to kill himself if he continues sucking on them.  But he's careful to never smoke around her or other non-smokers, so he's not sure why it's her problem. Also, it's not like he smokes to die; he just enjoys watching the smoke dance in the air and then disappear, but he can't tell her that. Sure, he could watch it but not smoke it. However, the supposed death stick is calming in a way that she can't understand because she's never tried one.

                Plus, who is to say he's for sure going to die. He listened in health class to the statistics and the numbers and that one guy came in with the whole in his neck who had to talk with that one thing that made his voice sound robotic. It's a gamble as far he's concerned, and well, this is a common conversation between the two of them.

                So when he goes over to her house on Sunday, the lingering smell of cigarette smoke on his clothes, it really shouldn't come as a shock to him when she has something to say about it.

                "What have I told you about smoking?" she asks sounding rather horrified, but definitely not surprised. She's standing in front of the door, blocking him from getting in, with her hand on her hip, and her signature disappointed frown on her face.

                Normally, that's all she would have to do to get him to give in, but for some reason, it rarely works with smoking. Maybe it's because smoking is the one thing, besides setting fires, he can handle to do on his own without feeling like he's going to mess everything up with all of the power he has. Whatever the reason, he should be allowed at least a sliver of control over his life considering he's allowed Louise to control the majority of his life.

                "That it's a bad habit that's going to ultimately lead to my death," Dan says, his voice flat and unamused.

                It's cold as it's still winter and the thin leather jacket that he's wearing provides barely any warmth. Louise doesn't live that far away from him, so it shouldn't have mattered. The walk was short even with a smoke break in the middle of it, but standing in front of Louise's door as she stares him down was definitely not part of the plan.

                "Exactly!" she says, her voice raised and almost loud enough to be considered shouting. "I know you have no regard for your life whatsoever, but you have friends and family that will be extremely sad if you die."

                "Louise, you're my only friend. Now, can we please talk about this inside? It's freezing out here."

                She moves out of the way, but that expression doesn't leave her face and her eyes burn wholes into his back as he walks past her, taking off his jacket as he moves.

                There's an episode of Doctor Who on the TV and a cup of what looks like hot chocolate on the coffee table, but the TV is rudely turned off as soon as Dan sits down on the sofa.

                "I was going to make you some hot chocolate," Louise says, taking a seat next to him, the remote in her right hand, "but before we can do anything, we need to talk about your smoking issue."

                "There's nothing to talk about!" Dan whispers, his voice raised so that it almost sounds like he's shouting. "My smoking doesn't affect you, so you shouldn't have any say in it." It's only after these words fall from his lips, rushed and without any thought whatsoever, that he realizes the full extent of them. He expects her to tell him what's wrong and what's right and he lets her convince him to talk to Phil, all of which are things that don't affect her in the least bit.