Not On Fire (Phan AU)

10 | awkward situations

His promise to Louise lingers in his mind the whole day. When he's doing a timed writing for AP Literature, he writes but he's not sure what exactly (probably a bunch of fluff that makes no sense but that's most of what his essays are anyway and he typically does well). And he's physically present at lunch, but he's just running through the motions on autopilot and his mind is in a completely different place that's glazed over and isolated. He's not even sure why it's such a big deal. Obviously, he doesn't want Louise to bother him about his occasional cigarette, but all she's asked is that he invites him over—he doesn't have to entertain him or do anything really, but the mere thought is glued to his mind and he can't stop turning it over and over.

Either way, it plays in his mind like a song that just won't leave and considering he's never been very good at getting songs out of his head—he mainly just lets them fade away gradually on their own—he doesn't have a single clue as to how he might be able to get this out of his mind.

And when he's two seconds from the end of the day bell ringing, his anxiety spikes to the point where he's bouncing his leg, which is something he rarely does. He's more of a tapper kind of guy: he'll tap his fingers, a pencil, whatever is in his hand.

He meets him at Phil's locker after rushing to his to put away his stuff. Phil's squatting down to put some stuff away when he walks up to him, and in his mind, some place buried underneath all of the worry, he makes some off-hand comment about how good his ass looks in those jeans, but that's irrelevant. He clears his throat to get Phil's attention, gives himself a quick pep talk when he looks up at him.

"Hi!" Phil says, overly enthusiastic, his usual peppy self, which would normally annoy Dan a lot more, but his mind is a little clouded for a few reasons, so he can't even bring himself to care as much. He stands up and brushes off the font of his jeans.

"Hi," Dan responds, more hesitant and drawn out, almost whisper-quiet. The next words are harder to push out of his mouth—lies have always been something that flows smoothly from his mouth with no difference in his tone than it would be on a regular day, but what he's trying to say, something he would equate to apologizing in terms of his ability to get them out, is stuck in his throat like he's choking and then: "Do you want to come over to my house? We could play video games or something."

"Sure," Phil says excitedly, smiling. His smile, teeth and all, doesn't produce the dimples that Dan's does, but it's the type of smile that lights up a person's face like sunshine. (Genuine, Dan thinks, that's what makes it so powerful.) "Just let me finish up here and then we can go."

He shoves one final thing in his backpack and then tightens the strings, setting it down to put on his coat. After he slings on his coat, he quickly puts on his backpack and shuts his locker.

"Is it okay if we walk?" Dan asks, moving the straps of his backpack up further and turning to walk towards the exit, expecting Phil to follow.

He sees Louise out of the corner of his eye, staring at them, much like he expected her to, with a proud smile on her face. But he turns away quickly and ignores her.

"I can drive, but you'll have to tell me where to go."

"Okay, great."

They walk in silence, side by side, with Phil just ever so slightly in front so he's able to guide them to his car.

It's hot in the school, unbearably so under layers of clothing, but it's the type of cold outside where you can see your breath. It's a relatively windless day, but even the slightest pit of wind feels like pinpricks on Dan's skin. He can't see it himself, obviously, but he figures that he's probably sporting rosy cheeks, the one splash of color on his otherwise monochrome appearance.