Not On Fire (Phan AU)

14 | valentine

Dan's never been a big fan of Valentine's Day, for the sole reason that he doesn't think there needs to be a holiday all about love, and he's not against love by any means. If he wasn't as destructive as he is, he thinks he would want to one day fall in love, meet a nice guy or girl, someone he could be honest with and not feel like such a disappointment, but he doesn't understand why there needs to be a holiday for something that some people can't truly celebrate for whatever reason. Well, that, and he's pretty bitter about everything these days.

    Usually, he'd be hanging out with Louise right now, having a movie marathon that would start and end with The Perks of Being a Wallflower, but after their fight not too long ago, he's not ready to just let her back into his life as if nothing happened at all. He knows it's not just her fault, but right now, pretending like it is makes it easier for him to deal with it and keeps him from feeling like he needs to be the one to say sorry first.

    He could just spend the day alone, but he's so used to have Louise around even when he doesn't want her to be that being alone just makes him feel lonely, a feeling that he was once used to, but clearly isn't anymore. Except he's not going to just give in simply because he's feeling a little lonely. What would that show Louise? It would tell her that he's willing to put up with her no matter what because he needs her, and while it may be true that he needs her, he's done putting up with whatever she says just because she wants him to.

    He's almost tempted to write. It's a passion of his that he abandoned for a while, but he does have an unfinished story in his drafts and an idea of where to go with it. He just doesn't have any motivation even though it's something he enjoys, and he'd much rather spend his Valentine's Day doing something that required a little less effort, like having a movie marathon.

    It's not like he has many friends to invite over instead of Louise, which is one of the reasons he was always so willing to put up with her, and she knew it, too. While she may have been trying to change it, Dan thinks she also secretly liked having so much power over him simply because she is his only true friend. Of course, there's always Phil. Dan's more than sure that he'd jumped at the opportunity to hang out with him, and it's not like he would mind per se. It's just that the moe he hangs out with him, the harder it is for him to stop himself from befriending him, which would not end well for either of them. The only reason he stays friends with Louise is because he's practically grandfathered in, but Phil isn't and he doesn't deserve a friend like Dan, one who is rude and inconsiderate even on the best of days.

    He could always hang out with his parents. After all, they are home and they are probably more than willing. Except, what kind of loser spends Valentine's Day with his parents? It'd be better just to spend it alone, but then again, he is trying to at least attempt to repair his relationship with his parents. Is he willing to do it right now though, when he could be doing something much more exciting? Obviously he knows he's going to have to do it eventually if he really is serious about fixing things between them (which he is). It's just that . . . well he's not exactly sure what it is, but either he's not ready or it is the day itself, whatever the case may be, he just knows he isn't going to hang out with them today. Plus--he thinks, and this may or may not be a way of convincing himself that what he's doing is okay--they should spend Valentine's Day together on a date or something, not hanging out with their shitty son.

    After running through all his options while staring at his ceiling, he decides that Phil's the best choice out of them all (which is a really horrible way to think about it, but if he's being honest with himself, he knows that there's more to it than Phil being just the best option by default). And he did say that he was going to give him a chance, something that he's been promising for a while and never actually living up to it. Even though he's already at a point where he's made up his mind about Phil, you can never be too sure.