Chapter Three
When Alex told me he was bisexual, I couldn’t help myself- I told him that I was too. And I realized that it was true, but I didn’t want to date girls. I didn’t want to date guys either…I wanted to date Alex.
That sudden realization hit me like a ton of bricks. The way that the two of us had come together was no accident, it couldn’t be. The dirty-blonde, honey eyed boy had been sent straight from heaven, of that I was sure. But there was no way he would want a fatass like me. But I was working on it.
When I was skinny, maybe I could have the perfect boy.
We reached my house before Alex’s, and I dreaded seeing him go. A glance at the driveway told me my parents weren’t home, and so I took a desperate chance. “Hey Alex, uh, if you want, we can chill at my house for a little while…my parents aren’t home.” I literally prayed he would say yes as I waited for his reply. That beautiful crooked grin came out again, and he said “Sure, just let me call my mom.”
We stood outside as he phoned his mother, and a few minutes later he gave me a thumbs-up sign, indicating that he could stay. I gave Alex a rough tour of the new house, knowing he wouldn’t judge the boxes everywhere, considering he was in the same situation. I led him up to my room, a little self conscious about the embarrassing amount of band paraphernalia already covering my room. But as it turns out, Alex walked around admiring it all. He struck up a conversation about it, becoming more relaxed and open. Both of our stomachs rumbling interrupted our conversation, and I blushed, realizing it had been rude not to offer him a snack. I didn’t think about it because of my abstaining from food. “Did you want something to eat, Alex ?” He nodded sheepishly, and we trailed downstairs to the kitchen. He asked for a peanut butter sandwich, and I insisted on making him a peanut butter and marshmallow fluff sandwich, as he had never had one before. I sat across from him with a glass of milk. “Aren’t you gonna eat, man ?” I shook my head, “Not hungry.” Alex’s brows furrowed, “But your stomach was grumbling…” I looked him in the eye, “Uh, stomach ache,” I lied. He didn’t look convinced, but he dropped the subject.
At around six o’clock, Alex’s phone ringing interrupted our video game playing. He answered it but left the room so I couldn’t hear what he was saying. He entered the room several minutes later, smiling brightly. “My mom says I have to go since we’re eating, but she says you can come too. You can have dinner with us, she wants to meet you !” He sounded so excited, and I struggled to keep my composure. How was I going to let that gorgeous face down ? In the end I couldn’t- “I’d love that.”
We headed across the street and down five houses to the Gaskarth home a few minutes later. I had left a quick note for my parents, although I doubted they would be home before I was. Work came before I did, and their new jobs were even more demanding than the previous- already.
Alex’s mom, Isobel, was an angel. She welcomed me with open arms, explaining that Alex’s dad, Peter, wouldn’t be joining us tonight. She babbled on about being glad that Alex was making friends, and what a nice neighborhood this was. She instructed me to sit on the couch while her and Alex prepared dinner, but I knew she was just trying to get Alex alone to speak with him. I could hear them talking in the kitchen, since it was so near to the living room. “You didn’t tell me he was cute !” Isobel said. “Mom !” Alex hissed. “Is he….” Isobel trailed off, leaving implications. “He’s bi, mom. But he doesn’t…he doesn’t like me like that. And we just met !”
If only you knew, I thought.
My mind raced, trying to think of ways to avoid eating dinner without hurting Isobel’s feelings or being rude. And then a stroke of brilliance hit me- there was a way to eat the food and not get fat- throw it up afterward. It was a simple solution, one that was perfect for this situation. Besides, it would feel nice to get something in my stomach, if only for a little while. And I wouldn’t do it all the time, just this once. Just this once, I promised.
The dinner was really nice, and I was glad I had decided to come. Alex was really starting to grow on me, he was already the best friend I’d ever had…sad huh ? But his family was nice, he lived close, and we shared a locker. There was no logical reason for our friendship not to work out. I just had to play off my feelings and not screw it up. I could handle just friends, it was certainly better than nothing.
I headed home reluctantly at around 7:30, not looking forward to going back to an empty house. But I put on a fake smile and left anyway. But at least I had a prize- Alex had given me his number.
Once I was sure no one was looking, I took off and sprinted home, all the way to the bathroom. Slamming the door, I dropped to my knees in front of the toilet and shoved my fingers down my throat. I had felt disgusting being full, but I couldn’t very well induce vomiting at the Gaskarth house. I hoped I hadn’t waited too long, but I was having such a nice time I couldn’t leave. I finally knew what it felt like to have friends, to be cared for, to be wanted, and I hadn’t wanted the feeling to end. I stared at myself hard in the mirror now, telling myself that no one would want me if I didn’t throw this up like a good boy.
Finally I got the courage to push my fingers back far enough to hit my uvula, and my dinner came back up to greet me. I flushed the toilet, washed my hands, and brushed my teeth, feeling that odd satisfaction with myself. How sick that that should make me feel good…
My parents walked through the door just as I was emerging from the bathroom. I proudly relayed to them the day’s events, how I already had a friend and my dinner excursion. They insisted on meeting him soon, but that was fine for me- I was trying to see Alex as much as possible. For once, my parent seemed pleased, proud of me even. And that’s a feeling I wanted to keep. ***I have too much time on my hands, so here's another chapter. Might actually be another one posted tonight too, we'll see. Well, I hope this isn't moving too fast...comments ? Shout-out to NeverGiveIn2013 and m0riarty for commenting ! Thanks lovelies !
