Chapter Nineteen
On the first day of winter break, I was hanging around my house playing video games with Zack. My relationship with Alex was going great, in fact, my whole life was going great. Alex’s family and mine were always together, I didn’t have to go to school for another week and a half, and I was losing weight. Life was good.
That was, until I got a disturbing text from Alex. ‘Jacky, I need you…now. It’s important.” My stomach twisted; something was wrong, I could feel it.
I jumped up, “Zack, I have to go. Alex needs me.” I jogged quickly across the street, afraid of what I might find. I said a quick ‘hey’ to Isobel, then hurried up the stairs. I opened the door to Alex’s room, then concluded quickly that he was in the bathroom.
The first thing I saw was the blood. “Oh my God…Oh my God.” I gasped. “I’m sorry,” Alex whispered, voice and hands shaking as he dropped the razor. I grabbed a bunch of towels, wrapping them around his wrists. Alex looked absolutely terrified, “Jacky I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” His eyes were wide, and he was shaking like an epileptic. I turned on the bathtub, “Lex we need to wash the cuts.” I pulled off the towels, thrusting his wrists underneath the faucet, watching in horror as the water swirled red. After a minute, I yanked them out, inspecting the cuts. “Jesus, Lex.” On each wrist was a huge slash, about half an inch deep. “Jack I didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean it I swear.” I pressed the towels over the cuts once again, squeezing one wrist in each hand. I looked right into his eyes, “Lex, you have to calm down. You can explain later, but right now, we need to get to the hospital. These need stitches.” “No !” He cried. “My mom will think that I….No Jack we really can’t go. You can’t tell anyone.” He was right of course, but so was I- he needed to go to the hospital. “Lex, please. I’ll take you myself, I’ll think of an excuse. You have to trust me.” I had no idea what sort of excuse there could possibly be for having two huge gashes on your wrists, but I had to act like I had a plan. Alex looked like he was about to have a full-on panic attack at this point, and I would do anything to keep him calm and well.
I sped to the hospital, trying not to glance over at Alex every five seconds so I could keep my eyes on the road. I pulled up to emergency, leading him right to the desk. The towels were soaked with blood, and it was dripping on the floor. The lady behind the desk jumped up right away, leading him down a hallway to a room. I followed of course, but a nurse stopped me. “Sir, you can’t be back here.” I looked her dead in the eye, “Well are you going to keep my boyfriend calm and tell the doctor what happened ?” She stepped aside, and I jogged into the room, closing the curtain behind me.
The doctor arrived moments later, pulling up a chair and carefully removing the towels. “Mind telling me what happened here ?” She questioned in a smooth voice, without looking up. I cleared my throat, “Yeah, uh, he freaked out and he…tried self-harm for the first time, and obviously he went deeper than intended.” The doctor pulled out her suturing kit, then looked at me with steady eyes. “Is that the real truth ?” I nodded, “Yes.” After a moment, she started sewing him up. “You know, I believe you. I can see how much you care for him, and I know you wouldn’t want anything to happen to him.” I sensed she was trying to get me to tell the actual truth, but I wasn’t budging. A promise is a promise.
Twenty minutes later, my Lex was sitting cross-legged on his hospital bed with a bandage over each arm. The doctor stepped out, and motioned for me to come with her. “Kid, I know you’re lying about your friend. I was saying that stuff for his benefit, but you need to realize his life is at stake here. Your friend tried to commit suicide, he needs help. Here we have the means to help him, in our psychiatric ward. I’ll be right back with the papers to check him in.” She placed a hand on my shoulder, as if she were doing me a favor. I faked a smile, but inside, I was seething. She didn’t know Lex, she didn’t know what he’d been through, she didn’t know about his life. He didn’t try to commit suicide, he didn’t. I knew him, he wouldn’t do that. He was just scared and confused.
“Alex, c’mon.” “W-what ?” “Alex, hurry up, we’re leaving.” We rushed out of the hospital and into my car. I stepped on the gas, and we were off.
I took Alex back to my place to avoid questions. I walked in, prepared to get the full story out of Alex. I stopped short in the living room “Zack !” he looked up from his phone, “Oh, hey man. You didn’t come back so I just stayed.” He looked a little embarrassed, and I wasn’t quite sure how to put that I was kicking him out. Luckily, he stood up, “Rian just asked me to chill though, so I’m just gonna…see myself out…” “Alright, bye man !” As soon as he left, I grabbed Alex and hugged him tight.
“Lex, Lex, Lex. What happened ?!” I pulled him over to the couch and sat him down. I sat in front of him, taking his hands in mine. He inhaled shakily, “I don’t know. I just started freaking out and I didn’t know what to do…I’ve never felt like that Jack. I was just trying to let everything out, I couldn’t stand having everything inside of me. I tried to get to my phone sooner but I couldn’t…Then I decided to cut my wrists because it was easier and quicker and I just needed relief. But then the blood kept coming…it’s so much more dangerous on there instead of my hips and thighs…” “Your thighs ?” I choked out. He looked down, “Yeah…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m the worst boyfriend ever…I’m the worst son ever…I just…I don’t know. I don’t know anymore Jack, I can’t explain anything, I feel like I’m crazy.” He looked up at me with wide eyes, “Am I crazy ?”
I pulled him into my chest, “No. Alex, you aren’t crazy. You’re just having a hard time, and that’s okay. It’s okay not to be okay. Let’s get you upstairs, and I’ll make you some dinner and bring it to you, okay ?” He nodded, giving me a weak smile. “I love you Jacky.”
I entered my kitchen for my real purpose- to break down where Alex couldn’t see. I braced my hands against the sink, trying to quiet my heaving sobs. This was all my fault, I just HAD to hang out with Zack today. If I would have been with Alex, he would be fine right now. Poor kid thought he was the worst boyfriend ever, when in reality, I definitely was. I’ll do better though, I’ll do better for Alex. He needs me around, and I need him just as much.
I wiped my tears away and started cooking pasta, Alex’s favorite.
I brought a tray filled with a plate of spaghetti, a vase with flowers, and a glass of water up the stairs for Alex. How cheesy and original could I get ? I brought it over to him, and he smiled a real genuine smile, “Thanks, Jacky.” I ran back downstairs to grab my own tray, when I was stopped by my mom. I hadn’t even realized it was time for her to get back from work already. She stopped me and gave me a quick hug, “Jack ! I have a surprise for you ! We’re going back to Lebanon !”
