Chapter Seven
I wanted to tell Alex so badly, but I just…couldn’t. But with his amber eyes boring into mine, I needed to come up with some excuse, and fast. “I don’t know, I just felt really dizzy and tired. I felt like that when we were inside, I thought the fresh air would help.” I sounded sincere, hopefully enough to convince him. Alex stared into my eyes for a few more seconds before he released his hold on me. He stepped back, sighing. He definitely seemed disappointed, and it instantly made me feel like shit. “Jack, don’t you know you can trust me ?” I hung my head. “Yes,” I said softly. I knew that I could trust him, but I just wouldn’t let myself. I couldn’t just blurt out that I was in the beginning stages of an eating disorder…it scared me to say out loud, because that meant it was true. What started out as just a way to lose weight was turning into something much more serious, and it wasn’t that I couldn’t stop at this point- it was that I didn’t want to.
I just wanted to be thin ! I wanted to be thin and good-looking enough for Alex. He was gorgeous, and I wasn’t- the only thing I could control about my looks was my weight.
My mind was screaming at me to tell him, because I knew what I was doing was dangerous…it could kill me. But at least I would be skinny.
God, I was a sick joke.
Alex turned around and walked back into the living room, not looking back. I felt like shit, I didn’t want to hurt Alex. But somehow, this seemed like the only way NOT to hurt him, if that makes any sense…
He took the only spot on the couch, so I was left to sleeping on the floor. I closed my eyes, but I just couldn’t sleep. After about fifteen minutes, I sat up. “Alex ?” I whispered. He whipped around to face me, his voice hard. “Why can’t you just trust me, goddamnit ? Even though we just met, I feel like I’ve known you for a really long time. I just want to help you, so why won’t you let me ? What’s so bad that you can’t even tell ME ? It’s ME, Jack- Alex.” With that, he rolled back over, sniffing softly. I got up and stormed out of my own house like the coward I am.
I stalked down the street, even though there was nowhere to go. Why didn’t the beautiful boy realize I was trying to protect him ? This eating disorder was MY thing, I was dealing with it on my own. I didn’t need someone to save me, I didn’t need to be a burden. I did need Alex though, so how was I going to do this and not lose him ?
I really didn’t have enough energy to keep walking back around, so I just headed home, still seething with anger. Everyone was asleep this time, so I just laid down and forced myself to close my eyes.
The next morning, I woke up to the smell of bacon and coffee. I looked around- Rian and Zack were on the couch, watching early morning cartoons, so that left one person missing- Alex. I assumed my parents were around somewhere as well. I wandered into the kitchen, surprised to find Alex seated at the table having coffee with them. I began to sweat, what if Alex had told them about my black out ? I sat down as if nothing was wrong, “Hi guys.” I looked to Alex, but he avoided my gaze. My mom rambled on about how nice it was to finally meet the famous Alex, and what a nice boy he was and such. My dad offered me food, and I noticed Alex’s head perk up. I nodded reluctantly, and grabbed a plate and two slices of bacon. I chewed it slowly, acting like I didn’t notice that Alex watched me the entire time.
As soon as I could escape my parents, I casually asked Alex to come up to my room. Once inside, I all but cornered him “You didn’t tell them did you ?!” he shook his head “No, I should have, but a promise is a promise.” I sighed, “You’re not gonna let this go, are you ?” “No, Jack, I’m not. What kind of best friend would I be if I did ?” I sat down next to him, mumbling “A good one.” I fell backwards onto my back, and he did the same, our legs hanging off the edge of the bed. His perfect features were once again inches from mine, and I couldn’t help but stare. Suddenly, Zack and Rian burst in, jumping on top of us.
Moment ruined.
Rian left first, then Zack, and then the saddest goodbye- Alex. I felt stupid for missing his presence, but I had to admit I did miss him when he wasn’t around. Even though he annoyed the hell out of me with his pestering, he meant well and I felt touched that he cared. His scent lingered on my bed long after he left, making me miss the stupid hazel-haired boy like crazy. This crush I had on him wasn’t going away, that was evident. It was growing stronger.
I was falling for Alex Gaskarth.
