Chapter Nine
I kept running without knowing where I was going. I couldn’t go home, in case Alex came to look for me… Before I knew it, I ended up at the high school. I made my way around back, to the place where everyone would usually hang out and smoke between classes. It was a stand of three huge trees, with a large boulder for sitting conveniently placed in the middle. I sat there, drawing my knees up to my chest, the sting of rejection still clear in my mind. Had I done something wrong ? Why had Alex demanded I stop ? I had spent so long working up the courage to kiss him…The worst part was how right it had felt with his lips against mine, only to have him deny me. We were right for each other, I knew it.
I hadn’t realize that a tear had escaped me, but one was now rolling down my cheek. So many thoughts crossed my mind, and none of them good. Like what if Alex never wanted to talk to me again ? I needed my best friend. What if he didn’t like me like that ? What if- and this one was prominent in my mind- he had told me to stop because he was repulsed by my fatness ?
That simple word, ‘no’ had just essentially torn down my world. The little self-esteem I had been harboring was now blown away like dust in the wind. Just like my relationship with Alex.
My phone buzzed, and I pulled it out, only to see Alex’s picture on the screen. Why was he calling, and should I answer it ? No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn’t ignore his call. I wanted him too much. “Hello ?” “Jack ! Let me explain please ! Wait, where are you ?” Alex’s voice was frantic, and he was practically tripping over his words. “Hi, okay, and doesn’t matter.” I answered. “…Jack ? Are you okay ? Just let me know if you’re okay .” I sighed, my voice sounding void of emotion, while his sounded like he was crying, “I guess you could call this fine. Look, I’m at the school okay ?” I waited for a response. Silence. He had hung up.
I buried my face in my knees, tugging at my hair. Quiet, shaking sobs took over my body. I was never good enough, I would never be good enough. Alex had called to tell me so, to say that this was a mistake, but then he decided I wasn’t even worth an explanation, I know it. He would leave, just like everyone else.
My stomach rumbled, making me feel that much worse. I stood up, might as well leave and go get something to eat for once. It wouldn’t help if I died of starvation, would it ?
I slowly trudged around the building, my head down. I made my way toward town, aiming to just go sit and wallow in some diner there.
Little did I know, minutes after I walked away, a boy just about my age with tousled blonde hair and an apology entered the stand of trees looking for me.
I ordered coffee and a slice of pie, barely able to keep my voice from breaking as I did so. I ate in silence, slowly and not looking up. No matter how hard I tried, the only thing I could think of was Alex. A gentle hand on my shoulder broke me from my thoughts. It belonged to the plump African American waitress. “Child, you look like you had a rough day. Your food is on the house.” She kind of squeezed my bicep, “You don’t eat much do you ? Mmm.” She clucked. I noted her name tag read Angie. Angie smiled kindly, and I faked one back to her. “Thanks.” She kind of patted my shoulder then, “You’ll be okay son.” I nodded weakly, muttering, “I hope so.” She surprised me by sliding into the booth across from me. Angie shook her head disapprovingly, “Honey, she ain’t worth it.” I looked up, clearing my throat. “He, actually.” She didn’t make a big deal about finding out I was gay, or bi in my case, and I appreciated that. “Now sweetpea, tell Angie what’s botherin’ you.”
I felt much better after Angie gave me advice, but I was too nervous to confront Alex right away. Angie had told me to at least hear him out and see what his explanation was before I decided anything.
I ended up just wandering around the city for the rest of the day. I didn’t feel like going home and facing my parents, putting up a front to mask my sadness and coming up with yet another excuse for skipping dinner. Plus, what if Alex was there waiting ? I just wasn’t ready.
I patted my pockets for my phone so that I could check in. Only my phone wasn’t there. I thought back to the diner; I hadn’t had it then either. I must have left it at the high school. I sighed and turned around, heading in that direction. Might as well go home after that, since it was right down the street.
I walked around the back of the building this time, because it was easier to get to the boulder that way. I prayed my phone would be sitting right on top of it, and not in the thick grass somewhere. I just wanted to grab it and go home, I was so over this day. I planned on going home and going right to bed, that way I could forget my problems, at least for a little while. I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going, and I tripped and fell right on my knee. God, could this day go any worse ? I looked up at the sky angrily, as if to say “Really, universe ?”
I spent twenty minutes looking for my phone, with no luck. I guess my day could get worse. I let out a string of swear words and went home.
Little did I know that was the second time that day I missed the blonde boy with the sad caramel eyes.
