Deja Vu.

1. letting go

Did you ever wonder what life after dead it's like? Do we go to heaven? Do we go to hell? Do we just disappear? Do we reincarnate, having another chance on life?

Well, I didn't. Not until it actually happen to me, that is.

Yep. That means that I die, and then... reincarnated into a new body. I didn't actually new that that was what was happening to me until much, much later, though.

Imagine waking up one day as a baby, and even though you don't quite know why, you feel like something it's wrong. Like something doesn't fit.

I was a fast learner baby, that's for sure. When I was only three months old I already knew how to do what most babies learned at the age of one. By the time a have one year old I already walked, talked and ate alone. By the time I was three I already knew how to write my name, count to 100 and all kind of that stuff.

At first my parents, along with the rest of the world, thought that I was just a brilliant baby... That was until I start talking about my memories.

At the beginning when I went to my parents at only two years old and told them that my real name was Ashley, or that I missed my parents, even though they were just right there with me. Or that I wanted to know where sparkle, my dog, was. Or stuff like that they thought that were just things that I heard on the TV or something, nonsense of a child. They even thought that they were just dreams of mine.

But with the pass of time they just began to wonder if something was wrong with me. That's where Julian, my therapist, gets in.

Yes, my parents send me to therapist when I was only four years old. But that's was nothing, things start to get really interesting after I got into a car accident at the age of 7.

I was sat on the back sit of the car, while my mom drove us to the store. I asked her if she could put the Barney's CD, but she was too busy talking over the phone to actually hear me up. I screamed to her, and tried to reach her sit to call her attention. I kept going like this until she finally looked at me, but it wasn't to actually listen to me, but to yell me to stop and then go back to her phone. I don't quite know what happened next.

I heard the screams and then some funny noises. And then I felt pain in my right arm. And then my head started spinning, until it was all black. I woke up on a hospital bed, to my mom crying and my dad yelling at her. And then all of a sudden I remember the first time that that happened.

I was with both of my parent in the car, but they weren't my present parents. I was on the back sit; we were talking, and laughing. And then my mom screamed and then we were falling off the bridge.

I remember hitting my head, and then... then I woke up at the hospital. No crying mother or yelling father this time. Just silence. I open my eyes to found my boyfriend, Jason, holding my hand half asleep by my side. When he noticed that I was awake he stood up and hugged me, crying while telling me how much he loved me.

- What happened? - I asked confused.

- You've been on a car accident, baby. - He said with new tears on his eyes.

- Hey. - I putted I finger on his chin, so he would look at me. -Don't cry. I'm fine, okay?

He laughed, and gave me one small kiss on my lips.

- That's my girl, always trying to make everybody better. Even when it should be the other way around.

I gave him half a smile. A nurse gets in the room.

She noticed me awake and began questioning me about how I was. Then the memories of the accident came to me all at once. I wasn't alone. My parents were there, and if they are not here that mean that they... I widened my eyes and shout.

- Where are my parents?

Jason and the nurse eyed themselves, and a horrible feeling grew inside me. Tears begin to fall from my eyes.

I repeated the question.

- Your mom it's in surgery, she's delicate but doctors are optimistic. And your dad... - his eyes wander all over the room, avoiding my gaze. I gave a squeeze to his hand and then his eyes were back on me. - He is gone, babe. I'm so sorry.

A week later I was gone too.

I had internal damage that nobody could possibly know about, until it was too late to be repair.

My 7 year old self, got really shocked on this flashback of my older life. She started to cry, and screamed that she died.

My parents thought that I was talking about the car accident, but then I explained to them that I didn't mean in this life.

Yes, they thought I was out of my mind.

A month later I was sent to a mental-house. I spent four years of my life there. Until I realize that they will never going to believe me. And if I wanted out of that creepy place I had to act like I actually stopped believing that I had I previous life. So I did. I got back home, and put a mask on.

Since then my relationship with my parents, Linden and Mark Murray, was never the same.

I also got a brother; the one was born while I was at the mad-house. He is ten years younger, his name is Jonathan. Let's just said that my parents wanted a normal child, reason why they wouldn't let me anywhere close him. By the time he was old enough to speak he decided that he hated me, anyway.

I didn't got to have many friends, either. Actually, I not even got one. When I went back at school they knew my story so nobody wanted anything to do with me. I was the bullied kid. The crazy kid.

I was forbidden by my parents to ever speak or see any of the few friends that I made over my time on the psychiatrist institution. Which made me had nobody at all. With the pass of time I became use to it, and replaced people with fictional characters on a book or a TV show. I learned how to live my life by myself and be happy alone.

When I turned sixteen and got my license, the first thing that I did was try to find out where Ashley's friends and family whereabouts.

I find out that my old home wasn't Hendrix's property anymore. And that my best friend, Bella didn't leave with her parents anymore. Neither did Jason. Neither of my others friends did.

Later on I try to find them on internet. Because for some reason never cross my mind to do so. And I find out that they actually moved along with their lives. All of them.

Bella moved at California with her new best friend Rachel. She worked as a waitress on some local restaurant, and only came back home for holidays. Yes, I found out all that only with Facebook.

Most of the rest of my friends moved out of the state for college, and never came back after that. Some of them did, though.

Some of them had actually successful jobs, but most of them had regular jobs on their regular lives.

Jason attended college on Washington DC, but came back home when her mother got sick of cancer two years ago. He left his job, his house, his life and came back to Seattle to spend the last moments with her mom and take care of his little brother.

When I find out that he was back at home I actually went to his place. I knew it was stupid and reckless to do so. He wasn't going to believe that his dead ex-girlfriend came back from the dead sixteen years later with a new name and body. So I stayed on the car, just sited there watching the house. Until, I saw him.

A car pulled over by the door, then the driver door open and Jason came out. I couldn't see much, it was dark outside and I was far. But I knew it was him, I knew it for the way he moved, and walked. I was about to open my door and approach him, when the other door of the car opened. A woman came out and they begging to walk to the house together, when they were close enough he took her hand and kissed it, then put his arm over her waist. I stayed on the car with tears in my eyes for hours after they got inside.

I spend another year of stalking on Instagram, twitter and Facebook to all my past friends and family expecting to see them refer to me, Ashley me. But they didn't.

That's when I realize that they moved on. And that I should do the same.

I spent seventeen years of my life, thinking, remembering, and being judged, all because of Ashley Hendrix. And now was time to begin my new life. A fresh start. Finally giving myself a chance to live as Haley Murray.