Deja Vu.

2. Goodbye family drama

Tomorrow it's the big day. I had been waiting for this for all the last year, to finally get a fresh start. I'll finally go away to college. I just got all my stuff finally packed. Lately I been thinking of my life and realize that I didn't quite have much experiences on anything at all. I used to think that I did, but it wasn't me who was living those experiences. Ashley was. 

I spend most of my life thinking of us as one, when in reality we are very different people. There's Ashley Hendrix, a brunette with long hair, bright brown eyes, and long legs. Very popular on school, a lot of friends, a BFF, a boyfriend, only perfect child and really close to her parents. And then you got Haley Murray, also brunette with curly hair, and blue eyes. The bullied kid, with no friends, no BFF, no boyfriend, not even having kissed anyone on her life. A brother who hates her and a terrible relationship with her parents. So, I decide that theres a few things I should do now that I finally gonna live for myself, instead of my oldself shadows. 

Like for the example making a friend, go to a party, kiss someone, have a one night stand, fall in love...

Before I could get myself thinking in anything else my mother called me to dinner. The last dinner I'll have on this house. That should be something to celebrate.

I make my way out of my room to the dinning-room. Where I found my father, Mark, and Jonathan, my brother. They look so alike that, if it wasn't for the age difference, you will think they are twins. They both have blond, short hair. Jonathan's it's a little longer, though. They share green bluish eyes, and a side fake smile is always on their faces. They are sitting around the table talking about some Lakers game. I sit on my usual spot, on the other side of the table. Linden gets in the dining room with a plate of ravioli in her hands and put it on the table, and then she sits on the other side of her husband. She looks like an old version of me. We share the same  blue eyes and dark  hair, same face structure and same curves. The only things we don't share are the scars on my wrists and the pain that causes them. 

I waited until they all made their own plates to do mine. And then I ate in silence, while they kept talking about who knows what. In my life, since I came back of the mental institution all the dinners happen like this. They talk to each other; I do my best to not call their attention so they will not feel obligated to pretend they actually care about me and my life. They are quite good at it. If you ask either of my parents about my grades, friends, my dreams, or anything at all about me they will not possibly know how to answer. I guess they spend all their energy on Jonathan, the perfect child they always wanted, with not any space left for me. Not that I actually care, though. I spend the first half of my life trying to make them believe that what was happening to me was real. I even show them proves that it was. You know, proves like some papers, photos, Facebook pages of the people I named them. But they either ignore me or tell me that it was not prove of anything or that i just made it up. The other half of my life I spend it hating them for the way they make my life so much more difficult and not being supportive enough, and trying my best to ignore them. Almost all the time I succeed. Almost.

- So, Haley. You are really going to spend your last night here without even speaking to us? - said my mom.

I take my time to bite the last piece of ravioli on my plate, and then I swallow slowly.

- Not really much to tell.

- Oh, came on. You barely told us anything about your college.

- Yeah. What college is your going again? - said my father.

- Seattle University. - I reply.

-Oh. It's not that far. -Said mom, taking a moment to look at me. - Why do you move to the dorms then?

- Because... - oh, you know i just want to get the hell away from you all. - Because I don't want to have to take a trip of twenty minutes everyday. - I lied

- I take a trip of twenty minutes to work everyday. It's not that bad. - said my dad shrugging.

- Oh please. She just wants to run away. She probably doesn't even care about college at all. She just wants an excuse to get out of this house. Out of this family. - Interrupted Jonathan making a pause. - It's okay, though. She doesn't really belong here. - And then smirk at me.

Asshole.

- Is this true? - said my mother, at least pretending to be shocked.

- Of course not, mom. - I do actually care a little bit about college too.

- Of course it is. She hates us, just as much as we hate her. - said my excuse for brother, Jonathan.

- Jonathan! - Both of my parents shout at him.

- What? It's the true. - He replies and takes another bite of his food.

For a second everyone is in silence, returning to the food. I just sit there, looking at them.

They didn't even deny it. I guess it's pointless given that we all know it's the truth. I mean i don't know if they i actually do hate me. But i know that they want me out of here as much as i want it. I just made their life so much complicated, they never understood me. And they never even try. They only cared about what people would say about them for having a kid such as me.

I just laugh at myself. This is so stupid. Why do I keep torturing us? They don't want me here; I don't want to be here. I might as well just go to my room and sleep so i can weak up and go already. Put everyone out of they misery.

I stand up and turn to the stairs. Just before I go I said to them.

- We all know is the true, though. Don't we? I never belonged to this family, I never will. We might as well stop pretending.

I then I head up stairs.

I hear them calling me, but I ignore them and go straight to bed. I'll need all the hours that I can get if I want to head to campus before they weak up.

At 5 in the morning I weak up and walk through the door of the Murray house, for what I hope will be the last time.