31 Days of {Im}perfection

Day 9

Day 9: Write a scene with only one character, alone.

I racked my mind, trying to think of anything that I could have done to mess it up this time. I had tried my hardest to be good enough for her, but it never seemed to be enough.

I sat down on my bed, letting my head fall into my hands. I was frustrated, I'll admit. But not angry enough to do something irrational. I had gone down that road too many times and I know how it will turn out if I go down it again.

I brought my head up and walked across my room to my dresser. I lifted my hand and grabbed my phone, bringing it back to the bed with me. I unlocked it and went to my messages. I opened up her texts and looked at them with sad eyes.

God, I loved her so much and she didn't even seem to realize it. I would do anything for her. Anything. I loved her so much and yet she always failed to see it. When I tried to be sweet, she thought I was trying to bed her. When I'm giving her space after a fight, she thinks that I'm cheating on her. How come I fell in love with the most difficult girl out there?

I read through our most recent messages:

Me: Hey babe. How r u doin?

Her: Hey. I need to tell you something.

Me: About what?

Her: About us.

Me: Okay. What about us?

Her: I think that we should take a break. Just give me some time to myself.

Me: Okay baby, I will wait for you. But why?

Me: Hello? R u there?

I hadn't talked to her since. I couldn't. It's like I live to obey her. Everything she tells me to do, I can't help but comply. I think I'm sick. This can't be normal, can it? I sat my phone on my bed side table and fell back onto my bed.

Maybe I should just fall asleep and when I wake up none of this will be real. Her and I could be happily together without any complications. But haven't I already established that God has decided that I can handle extremely hard things? I mean, they say that he only gives us as much as we can handle.

I think that he overestimated me.