Going Home

9. The eye opener

I would like to dedicate this chapter to leia009 for her support on this story. Thank you for that, it really means a lot!

We are sitting in the food court enjoying our lunch when I think of something. "Why is he doing this? Why is he helping me? Why is he being so nice?" My eyes open wide and my mouth drops open. Did I just say that out loud? I am such an idiot!

Ian just looks at me with an amused smile in his face, a smile I once loved to see. "I am doing this because I want to. It's a long drive and I just want you to be somehow comfortable, you know since you somehow don't want to be around anything or anyone that reminds you of your past. And yes, you did say that out loud." I feel my face burning up with shame and discomfort. How could this all get so uncomfortable in the span of a minute?

I excuse myself and start to look for the restrooms. Once I have found them I step inside and lock myself in a bathroom stall. This is not going as planned. I need to get a grip on the situation and quick. Inside the stall I put down the toilet lid and allow myself to sit down. I let out a deep sigh, thinking about what just happened.

"Why must I always doubt everything and everyone?" I mutter to myself. Not caring how long I have sat there, if there were people waiting or if people heard me, I stand up from the toilet seat and step outside of the stall. I am now standing in front of the mirror trying to calm myself down before I go back and embarrass myself some more.

Once I feel like I can go back out there I turn and walk out of the restroom. I haven't even made it two steps out of the door when I bump into someone and threaten to fall to the ground, but before anything can happen two arms wrap around my waist and steady me. "You okay there?"

I look up to meet the owner of the voice, only to be greeted by Ian. A concerned expression is taking over his face and I keep getting surprised to see this side of him, with me on the receiving end. I am not going to lie, I feel safe right here in his arms. 'What?! Shake it off Kat! Shake it off!' My inner voice screams.

"Kat? Are you okay? Does your head hurt again?" he asks and I can almost smell his worry for me. He looks me up and down to check if I am okay. "Please Kat, don't make me punch you again." He says and I hear a faint chuckle in his voice.

Suddenly I snap out of it and punch him in the arm. His arms immediately let go of my waist to rub the spot I just punched with all my strenght. But somehow I can't help it to feel cold where he had touched me. "That's payback my friend. Have you finished your meal? We should get this show back on the road." I say changing the subject and walk out of the food court right after, not waiting for him to reply.

After we got the things Ian insisted I would need for the duration of this trip, we're now walking back to the car. I am about to take the passenger's seat when he stops me. "Would you mind driving for a bit? That way I can rest a bit and we can make more miles a day. We'll be back in New York a bit sooner. I mean, that's what you want right? You want to be away from me as soon as you can."

The way he's saying it sends shivers down my spine. What's with him and all the mood changes?

Without replying to his little rant, I take the keys and sit in the driver's seat. I am busy making sure I can reach the pedals and can actually see anything in the mirrors as Ian sits down in the passenger's seat. Starting the engine and checking my mirrors one more time, I let out a sigh before I pull up from the parking lot and get us back on the road again.

-

Three hours have passed by before Ian finally wakes up again. Relief washes over me. Not because I wanted to talk with him, but I just couldn't take the silence anymore. "You know you can't avoid talking about what happened forever, right?" Ian asks bluntly and I quickly glance over at him before I focus on the road in front of us again.

"Talk about what?" I ask him in return, really having no clue where he's going with this question.

A humorless laugh is coming from beside me. "You seriously want to keep up the act and pretend everything is fine? How stupid do you think I am, Kat? You really believe you can fake a smile and I will just assume everything is alright? Well guess what? You can't pull that off with me." He takes in a deep breath before he turns in his seat to face me.

"I know you better than that, Kat. And to be honest it really sucks that you underestimate me in that way. So please talk to me. Help me understand. What happened four years ago, because I know that you didn't want to leave Wade Valley the way you did." The words are spilling from his mouth and they somehow make me feel he has prepared this little speech for quite a while.

His words hit me harder that I would have expected and without any warning I stop the car on the side of the road. I turn in my seat to directly look at Ian. "I do not want to talk about it! Now can you please just let it go? For the sake of the rest of this trip, please?" I can't believe I am actually pleading right at this moment. Am I really that desperate?

I feel the wetness of a tear running down my cheek and I move up my hand to wipe it away. I don't know how it happened, but somehow Ian beat me to it. He wipes away my single tear with his thumb and gives me an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, Kat. I didn't mean to upset you. I just want to know what happened. I want to know why you went away. I guess I just want to know if there is anything I could've done back then to change your mind." He tells me and then let's out a sigh.

"I guess that when you left all those years ago, you took a little piece of my heart with you. I was really into you. Heck, I thought you were into me too. Anyways, even now, four years later, there is still a piece of me wondering what could have been."

Taking in his words I just shook my head. "I will just give you an answer to one question, but you have to promise me to let the subject go after that okay?" I bargain with him. I am relieved when he nods his head in an agreement. Taking in a deep breath, I prepare myself for what I am about to say. "I didn't want to go but I simply had no choice. There was nothing you could have done to make me stay."

That's the moment I realize I am actually crying. I wipe my tears away and sniff my nose. When I focus my gaze back on the road and am about to insert back into the highway, a hand cautiously touches my own. "Why don't you get some rest. I rested enough for now, I am okay with driving for a while again." He offers with a smile that seems genuine.

Wiping away some more tears, I decide to take him upon his offer and get out of the car, allowing him to climb into the driver's seat as I walk around and sit in the passenger's seat again. Sitting in the passenger seat I glance over at Ian who is now checking his mirrors to insert the highway again. To make this whole thing a little less awkward I decide to make some small talk.

"So Columbia, how is that going for you?" I can smack myself in the face for asking a question that stupid, but he doesn't seem to mind. He checks his mirrors again and changes a lane before he glances over and thinks about an answer to my question.

"The campus and the rest of it is all great, I'm just not that fond of the city. It's so big, so full and yet I somehow feel lonely. I love the moments I can spend at home." As I listen to his answer I realize that Ian really hasn't changed at all in those years we were separated. He is still the small town boy who loves his family and has a heart for the community. He left that town only to pursue his dream to become a pediatrician and all I did was run away, being a coward.

I am so lost in my thoughts that I almost miss the question he has asked me. "So what about you? All I know is that you study and live in New York. Why not provide me of some more information while you still can?" He asks in a joyful manner and I feel thankful for the fact we dropped out previous subject.

"I survived the first two years as a psychology major at NYU. I live with a roommate, Madeline, she's an English major. I finished my senior year in Florida and then just moved to New York by myself. I love the fact that the city is always alive and how you're never alone." Right as those words have left my mouth I realize that our views on the city are not only completely different, but also that my view of the big city has changed ever since the incident happened.

There is no way of denying it anymore. People have mentioned it, I never wanted to believe it, but now I know it is true in more ways than I like it. Not only did my vision of life change, I have changed.