Killer » muke

0.2

Pre-Prologue

(Present/ little bit in the future )
Michael
Chicago, USA
Chicago Lakeshore Psychiatric Hospital

I can remember that date clearly. I've always had a good memory, maybe that's why I did good in school with a perfect gpa even though I never tried anything. I had given up at school for a while before I dropped out. To be quite honest, I was pretty sure that I would be dead before the age of 25
This is why I never bothered worrying, about college, about life, I had given up on my weight, morals
It wouldn't matter
I would be dead
Depression is ugly, I never got how some people found beauty in it.
It's not being lulled to sleep by someone you love and they love you. It's not aesthetically pleasing bloodshot eyes and pretty girls smoking to get rid of the pain.
It's not someone sitting in the bathtub looking beautiful and thinking about death.
Depression is not beautiful
It's ugly. It's rotten. It's the most hideous thing you can see
It's not caring about your future or anything in it, not caring about things like your weight, or hair or anything on general because deep down you know that you will be dead soon and it just will not matter. So much you wanna climb onto a roof and scream it out saying that you're not messed up that you're not okay, not crazy and just jump.
But that's not the way it goes. Because after the jump comes the ugliness.
Comes the feeling of opening your eyes to blank light and seeing people you don't know hover over you telling you the damage you've done with no ounce of caring or sympathy.
It's the months of paying it off and realizing that the one thing's that was your escape has failed you
So you just lay in bed all night thinking

Thinking of what could be, how you could have ended the pain. no you didn't try hard enough, you failed you're a failure,
Then you break down
Then come the tear
The pain
And you can't end it.

I remember the night I decided it all. I was laying there, trying not to drive myself crazy and pitying myself. I lay there all night long, thinking about how stupid I was and how I should have just sasses someone to out me. Then I rememebred that I had no one to begin with. Then inremeber d I wouldn't have the ounce of courage to ask. So I decided to do something

I decided to end people of their misery to end the pain and the worry and the dreadful feeling of losing the will to live. I'd help them, and it would be a coping for me. I'd help them they help me.

The first person I chose was a neighbor across the hallway in my small apartment complex. I knew she hurt. I could hear her cries every night , the fights with her drunk excuse of a husband. The begging for death and willing the pain to end every night. I think what really pushed her over the edge and made my decision final.

On September 17, on a phone call with her daughter, she had found out that oh so lovely daughter, the only light in her darkness blah blah blah, was HIV positive.

She cried too much that night. She hurt too much. She wanted death too much. So, on September 19 20-, I decided to help her.

I followed her to an old diner, which I had seen she went to quite a lot, more than 3 times a week to order herself some let dinner. I think it has started raining at some point, and I was trying to keep u hands from shaking. I was terrified. I'm not going to deny it, I was about to end a life, stop a future, bring someone maybe her family, friends sadness and dark. Yet I continued

I remember the piercing ocean blue crystal eyes, the soft tuft of bleach blond hair, the pink lips shaped into shock and his ever mysterious persona following me with his eyes. I remembered my body stiffening and choking slightly.

Was someone onto me?

No, no no one knew I was paranoid , I had to be. So I kept on and followed the lady into the diner. I bought her a sandwich, a muffin, scone and sweet tea along with coffee. I figured I should do something nice. The minute she walked into the bathroom I followed

And that was the night I had my my first kill

My first run from police cars

Hiding

And the first time I saw those eyes