Killer » muke

0.7

( Present)
Luke

Looking back at it now, I'm an idiot for not realizing that the boy I saw on the subway was the same boy I'd seen leaving that diner in a hurry
Would things be different?
If I had known, would I have told someone?
Would he have been arrested?
Would the lives that were lost at his hands still walk and think and love and feel today?
Everything is a big what if to me, so much that it eats at me and picks me apart at the edges piece by piece every time I have even a little time to think.
Maybe I should call it fate.
Maybe it fate that I didn't recognize him, maybe it was fate that he SO happened to be on my subway everyday maybe where every leading up to this exact point was a sort of some plan, some twisted plan that left me breaking and slowly becoming less human, maybe that's what was meant to be.

And if that's the case, and if this is the end, then fate is pretty cruel.

Maybe it wasn't fate, maybe it was just me and my own actions that got me into this.
Like what if I had never left Australia?
What If i had agreed to one of the other 3 job offers I got ?
What if I didn't see you outside that diner?
What if I wasn't so intrigued?
Maybe this whole thing that I can't stop whining about is my own damn fault and I'm just too in denial to admit it?

Because honestly, while I'm still breathing and still living I stopped trying to. While I still go to work everyday and I still take my lunch break and eat at that diner I do so unconsciously. Because inside, the will to do anything stopped when I stopped seeing you everyday. Every action I do to live now comes from my brains natural will to survive, comes from my bodies desperate attempt to salvage what's left of it, while in reality all it's doing is keeping the outside shell of my alive while what's inside is slowly decaying into nothing

Why did you leave, Michael?
Why am I here writing our whole story down with bloodshot eyes as if it'll change anything?
Why am I here ignoring the fact that our story has already ended, and the epilogue is this exact moment, an imagery of me praying for you to come back while your out there somewhere already moving on.

A/n
If you don't understand what's happening (it's all over the place I know) the first chapter was the "present" and so was the second chapter and so is this one. Basically the whole story is what Luke is writing down in the present because Michael left. it'll make sense (hopefully) but if your confused just ask :))
Anyway happy late thanksgiving of you celebrate it !
Also the past couple days I've realized what a headass I am, here's a little story.
When I went to get my new phone, they had the iPhone 6s Plus in 64gb and the iPhone 7 in 168gb. Now me being the dumb fucking ass I am I chose the iPhone 6splus even tho they were the same price !!! How dumb is that on a scale of 1-10 it's been eating me alive for the past week