I Can't

Disappointed

She didn't sleep at all during the night, her eyes just wouldn't close as she kept thinking about what she allowed to happen. Was she willing? Yes and no. A part of her hoped that at first she would find a guy she would fall in love with. If Mike hadn't been so persuasive and forceful, in some ways, she would still be dreaming about her fairy tale. 

Looking around Mike's bedroom, Anna felt like crying. This was not what her mother and father raised her to be. She was a good student, she had talents and she was well behaved. She was never meant to find herself in some guy's tiny apartment, with empty bottles of beers and pizza boxes lying around, while she was in his bed, unable to free herself from his grasp, while he snored out his hangover.

Starting to twist and turn, Anna hoped it would wake him up. And it did a few minutes later, when she felt his arms tighten around her and his lips press against her skin. For the most part, Mike didn't seemed to be a bad guy; he did care for her... but on the other hand, she was seventeen and he was twenty two. That spoke volumes about him too. 

"Morning, sunshine." He said, lifting himself on his elbow, pulling the covers from her back, but she grabbed them instead. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Please, don't touch me."

"Why? Are you hurting?"

"No, but I... I just want to go home." Anna wiped away a silent tear. 

"So, you're saying, we didn't have fun last night?" He asked, his hand remaining on her body.

"I'm saying I'm tired, I haven't slept at all."

"Well, that's your problem, angel."

"Mike, no!" She said sternly, when his hand dipped lower. "Please..." She cried weakly.

"Oh Jesus, I should have known you're too young, you're being a little bitch."

She didn't reply, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed, leaning down to gather her clothes. 

"You can't just run away, we will still be seeing each other, I'm not about to leave my job."

"As long as you don't look my way again."

"You know, you can pretend all you like, but I know you enjoyed it. Besides, you should thank me if anything. You said you weren't very successful with boys, now I bet that will take a one eighty turn. You have to give it up if you want to be popular, sweetheart."

"Can you just please shut up?!" 

"How are you going to get back home, huh?"

"I need a phone."

"Don't you think about calling Daddy."

"I'm not." Anna went to search for the phone herself, knowing her home and Sara's number by heart, she chose the latter.

"Hello?"

"Sara, it's me."

"An'?"

"Yeah..."

"Why are you calling so early?"

"I need your help. Can you come pick me up?"

"From where?"

She hated asking Mike anything, but she wasn't exactly sure where she was. Once telling Sara the address, Anna added.

"And please, do not call our parents, please..."

She jumped, feeling his presence behind her, after putting the phone down. "I know for a fact this wasn't our only time together."

"Why do you insist on being this way?"

"Because I like you and despite it being your first time..." He leaned in closer. "... you're a fast learner."

Closing her eyes, as she fought back tears, she could only think of Stevie and Lindsey and just how disappointed they would be in her.

Thankfully, not much later, Sara was outside the apartment building, Anna leaving as soon as she saw the car through the window, without any word or acknowledging of Mike.

Hurrying to get in the car, Anna kept her head down, hoping no one had seen her. She was so relieved it was only Sara and not her and Todd, as she instantly broke down in tears, reaching for her older sister. 

"It's okay, shh... don't cry. What happened, An'? Talk to me?"

"Can you take me to your place first? I'll tell you everything there, I just want to get away from here."

Nodding, Sara sat up straight in the driver's seat and turned the engine on again, driving them to where she lived with Todd. 

"We'll have to be quiet, Todd is still sleeping."

"Okay." Anna said quietly and followed Sara to a spare room. 

"You look like you need to wash up. Go take a shower, I'll have clean and... more appropriate clothes for you when you come out and I'll go make you something to eat."

"Thank you." Anna replied tearfully, so grateful that Sara was helping and not judging.

Thirty, give or take, minutes later, Anna was sitting at the table in the kitchen, picking at the omelette on the plate, feeling Sara's eyes on her. She knew she would have to open up and soon, even if Sara was in no way pushing her to do so.

"I messed up." Anna said. "When everyone had arrived for Mom's birthday party, I asked her if I could go to Tara's for the night, knowing she would be busy with her guests, so she wouldn't have time to really question me. She let me go. I left soon, only that it wasn't Tara and her brother picking me up..."

"I've gathered that much." Sara sighed, pulling out a chair and taking a seat.

"This guy asked me out and it's who I was with. We... We went to a club."

"A club? How in the hell did you get into a club?"

"He knew someone, we had no problem getting in." Anna continued explaining, not once lifting her eyes up. "We were drinking, supposedly, waiting for a group of his friends to show up, but they never did. He suggested going to his place."

"And that wasn't a red flag?" Sara didn't want to make it worse by exploding with anger, but nevertheless, she was mad inside. 

"I like him. I didn't think..."

"What, that he was going to take advantage of you?"

"He didn't." Anna insisted. "Yes, he was very handsy and he kissed me, and he told me how beautiful I was... but in the end, he didn't do anything beyond that against my will."

"Any by beyond that you mean, you had sex with him."

"...Yes." 

"My God, Anna. You're smarter than that!"

"It was a mistake, I know. You don't have to make me feel worse about it!"

"Do you even realize what would happen if our parents found out? Especially Dad?"

"They will not, Sara. They won't. You can't tell them!"

Shaking her head, she wasn't really sure what to do. "Did you at least use protection?... ANNA!"

"What?! He said, he knew what he was doing..."

"Right, condoms are not just so you wouldn't get pregnant, they prevent sexually transmitted diseases! How can you be sure he's healthy that way?"

"I don't know! I don't know anything and I'm stupid!" She yelled, bursting into tears once again. "I don't know how to come home now... They'll know something's up."

"Don't worry about that now. First of all, go and have some rest. We'll figure out everything else later." Anna nodded, standing up, while Sara added. "You're my sister and I love you, and I will help you, always, but I am so extremely disappointed in you."

"I know... I'm sorry." She sniffled and slowly made her way up the stairs.