I Can't

It's up to you

"Don't you think we should start thinking about names?" Lindsey suggested, sitting by Stevie's hospital bed, while she was skipping through pages of a magazine he bought, that seemed at least somewhat okay.

"Well, we don't even know if we're having a boy or a girl."

"True, but we are having one of them in just days!" 

"Would you relax." Pinching the bridge of her nose, Stevie tossed the magazine away, lying down against the pillows. "We have time, maybe the name will come to us, when our child is here with us."

"Alright. If you don't want to do this, then fine."

She couldn't help but laugh. "Oh my God, Lindsey! It's me who's supposed to get bitchy, not you!"

"No, I know, I'm just..." Shaking his head, he shrugged. "I'm nervous. Excited, but also nervous."

"Aw why, honey?" Now smiling, she held up her hand asking for his.

"Because we haven't had a baby for over ten years. Can we still do it?"

"Where is this coming from? Of course we can! All those little ones do is cry and eat and sleep and poop a lot."

Rolling his eyes, Lindsey then looked at her pointedly. "I don't remember it being that easy."

"Because it wasn't you, waking up every few hours, baby." 

"Well, excuse me!"

"Okay, you helped a lot, but you now..."

"See, you're telling me yourself I'm no good as a father."

"Jesus, Lindsey stop! I'm only teasing you. Any kid would be happy to have you as their cool Dad, I'm telling you. The coolest!"

He started laughing too, bringing her hand up to his lips, kissing the back of it. "I can't believe you're nearly nine months pregnant, keeping me entertained and relaxed."

"Eh, I know what to expect third time around."

Then out of nowhere came a knock on the door. The doctor had visited recently, the nurse had checked on Stevie too not long ago. When she said to come in to whoever was in the hallway, neither Stevie nor Lindsey expected to see Sara entering the room.

"Baby? Is that really you?" Stevie was shocked, as she didn't feel herself letting go of Lindsey's hand, placing hers over her chest.

"It's me, Mom, it's me..." She nodded, standing by the door shyly. "May I-"

"Come here." Showing for Sara to come closer, Stevie was doing her best to hold back the tears. "Oh, sweetheart I'm so glad you're here." She said, hugging her daughter tightly. "How did you know where to find us?"

"I called the house number, Daryl picked up. He sounded like he couldn't believe it was me on the other end..." Stifling a cry, Sara didn't want to let go. "Mommy, I'm so sorry... Oh God, I'm so very sorry..." The both of them broke down after that, Lindsey speechlessly watching the two. 

"It's okay, honey." Stevie cradled her face in her hands, keeping it close to hers, trying to smile reassuringly. "It's okay. I couldn't be happier you came back to us, baby." Crushing her into another hug, Stevie repeated. 

Standing up straight again after a moment, Sara then lifted her eyes up unsure, looking at Lindsey. She couldn't know how he would react, wanting to hug him, but afraid he might be too hurt to respond in the same way, instead pushing her away. 

But while she was making up her mind, Lindsey got up to his feet and walked the short distance to his oldest daughter, embracing her in a loving father's hug. "I don't deserve you, either one of you." Sara cried into his chest, but Lindsey shook his head, making their eyes lock. 

"That is not true. You made a mistake, you thought you were doing what was best. But even during what we all had to go through, your Mom and I never stopped loving you, Sara. We never will. You are our first child, you are what brought us back together, sweetheart. So, I know that coming in here today might have been frightening to you, but I am so very happy you did." Pressing a kiss to her forehead, Lindsey pulled Sara closer again, holding her tightly, only him knowing that this was his way of making sure she was there with them and this wasn't just a dream.

"Come sit here next to me." Stevie patted the empty space on the bed after a minute. "I need to look at your beautiful face that I've missed so dearly."

"If you keep telling me things like that I won't ever stop crying." Smiling at last Sara walked over to her mother's side. 

"And I will!"

"I feel as if I have woken up from some weird dream. Maybe a nightmare... I don't know what was wrong with me."

"Are you still angry with us?" Stevie asked, placing her hand on top of Sara's, running a thumb over her knuckles. 

"No! Absolutely not. I had no right to be angry with you at all. I was just shocked and I wasn't thinking rationally, being concentrated on running away from the two of you as fast and far away as possible, while in all truth you have done nothing to hurt me, you only cared for me, which is what you both have been doing for as long as I'm living."

"What made you understand that?"

"Honestly, Don did." Straying from the word Dad this time. "We started building a relationship and I thought how great it was going, but then... then you Dad, called. Todd heard the message too, we got into a fight and he moved out for a few days. I met with Don later that day, told him everything and then he told me how it all really happened, not the lie he told me in the beginning. He said he was lying to me, because he now wanted to be around me, then I started thinking that I don't need people like that in my life; mean, bad people, who are keeping me away from my family. You were right again, Mom. You told me I didn't need him and I didn't listen."

"Well, like your Daddy told you, you made a mistake, we all make them." Smiling a little Stevie spoke, glad that Don nightmare seemed to be in the past.

Sara turned to Lindsey. "I hope you can forgive me. You're the best father and for some reason I looked elsewhere... I'm sorry..."

"I have nothing to forgive you, only to thank you for being here with us, Sara. That's truly all that matters to me." 

A wider smile crossed Sara's lips, as she looked at her parents. "I love you both so much."

"And we love you too, honey." Stevie replied for herself and Lindsey. "And I guess that makes three of us!" She added, placing her hands on her stomach. "The little one hasn't been active much today until you came in."

"I can't wait to meet him or her. Although, I feel it's a boy." Sara said, replacing Stevie's hand with her own. 

"Will you name him then?"

"What? Mom, no... I... It's for you and Dad to decide."

"If it is a boy, then it's up to you." Reaching for Lindsey, she pushed. "Right, Linds?"

"Of course." Nodding his agreement, he let out a deep breath, feeling so relieved that everything seemed to be back on track.