All I Want For Christmas Is You - a Magnus/Alec fanfiction

Chapter 16 - December 16th - Magnus

December 16th - Magnus

Since yesterday, tensions have been high. None of us can relax, yesterday's events playing on our minds. Alec in particular, doesn't seem himself. He's watching Toby like a hawk, and it's making me worried about him.

"Hey," I say, as he goes to get ready after breakfast. I follow him into the bedroom and close the door. Toby doesn't need to hear this. I sit down on the bed and cross my legs, putting my elbows on my knees. I watch Alec for a moment, watch the way his shoulders are held tense and his jaw is tight with stress. But I also watch the way his hands move gently, his eyes gentle and gaze soft.

"Look, why don't we stay home today?" I suggest. "Have a break?"

"We can't. Toby needs to be at the Institute today." He answers, taking clothes out of drawers.

"Alec," I say as gently as I can. "Yesterday was hard."

"Yes," he says, putting the clothes on the bed and finally looking at me. "Yesterday was hard. But if we stop now - if we just...give up - we'll never know if today will be better."

"I love you so much." I say, proud of the resilience Alec possesses, and he finally smiles, his eyes lighting. He reaches a hand out and I pull him towards me. He sits down before me on the bed and links his arms around my shoulders, wrists crossing behind my neck.

"I know." He says. "I love you too."

"Okay, let's go."

Alec is training Toby today in archery in an attempt to find Toby's specialist skill. Toby's aiming at a wide wooden board with a target painted in the centre. I sit on the table with the practise arrows, my long legs dangling and fingers drumming on my knees.

"Okay, so this is your bow." Alec explains, handing the weapon to Toby.

Toby closes his hand around it and I stifle a smile. It's almost as tall as him. Alec comes over to where I'm sat and picks up five or so practise arrows. He bends his face over the table, checking them, and I lean forwards and kiss his forehead. He flushes.

"Not on the job." He says, sounding flustered but pleased, and walks back over to Toby. I smirk as he goes and lean back against my hands, resting casually on the table.

"Okay, so you clip the end of the arrow to the bowstring like...this." He says, demonstrating. "Then hold your fingers like this, pull it back as far as you can, aim, and let the arrow go."

He hands the bow over to Toby, detaching the arrow and passing him that too. Alec slings a sheath of arrows onto his shoulder and reaches for a new one in preparation for when Toby has shot.

"Load your bow." Alec instructs.

Toby clips the arrow in place and raises the bow. His arm shakes a little as he pulls the bowstring back.

"Further, further." Alec tells him. "Try and bring it up by your face."

Toby does so, his arm trembling. Alec tilts Toby's elbow up slightly, then - finally satisfied - says, "Okay, fire."

Toby lets the arrow fly and it sticks on the white board around the target. Not quite bullseye, but still pretty impressive. I mean, it didn't shatter any windows, at least. I nod, smiling.

"Great, let's go again." Alec says, and passes Toby another arrow.

After a while, I get bored of watching Toby shooting arrow after arrow, so I go exploring around the halls to stretch my legs. Alec glances at me as I leave and shut the door carefully behind me, but he doesn't call me to stay.

It's freezing in the old building, and I pull my sleeves over my hands, rubbing them together as I walk. I'm starting to understand why Alec's jumper sleeves are constantly pulled over his hands; the institute is ridiculously cold. I bump into Jace in the corridor, looking as frozen as I feel.

"Hey." I say as he stops.

"Hi, Magnus. It's weird having you three around the Institute, but not seeing you for hours on end." He comments.

"Trust me, I know. I'm so sick of that training room. I don't really do anything, it smells weirdly like sawdust, and it's hopelessly boring. I'd rather let Church claw my eyes out than spend another minute in there."

Church, upon hearing his name, pads down the hall with his nose superiorly in the air.

"Don't joke. Church would, given half a chance." Jace laughs.

His laugh, however, is shortly silenced when he picks the cat up and is immediately scratched on his bear arms.

"Ow! You stupid thing!" Jace says, dropping the cat.

I grin as Church hisses and skulks away, looking disgusted by his company.

Suddenly, something comes to mind. Someone, in fact. James Carstairs. I think back to his treatment of Toby during the tuning ceremony, how he is still as gentle as ever as a Silent Brother. He's the reason Church is here now, or so Will Herondale told me. And he's the only one Church wouldn't viciously assault. I wonder if Church was always like this - grumpy and disagreeable - or if he just misses his owner. I have nothing else to do, so I guess I may as well make space on my days itinerary for Cat Psychology.

I follow the cat into the parlour, where Church perches angrily on the sofa, hackles up. He hisses when I enter, and further arches his back as I sit down on the opposite side of the seat cushion.

"Hey, hey, hey." I say, hands raised in surrender. "Don't hiss at me. I'm even older than you are. You should be respecting your elders and betters."

He settles, looking disgruntled, and scowls at me.

"Don't give me that look. I knew your Jem." I tell the cat. "So I know you don't hate everybody. You're just stubborn."

At the mention of Jem, he perks up. He raises his head a little and when I stroke his ears - with a degree of caution usually reserved for poisonous snakes - he doesn't even try to bite me.

As I walk back to the training room, I think about how endearing it is that Church still loves Jem after all these years. Then I realise, this is how it will be after Alec dies. This is why I've always said I'd never fall for a mortal, not really fall for them. But I have. And now I'll probably end up like Church; bitter and irritable and miserable, though hopefully not biting and hissing at people.

I watched as Will Herondale aged and Tessa remained in her early twenties. I saw the struggles they faced; the odd looks they received, the frustration at their ever-growing age gap, the coming to terms with Will's inevitable demise. I hate that that will be Alec and I, that we'll have to go through all of that. But I hate the idea of being without him even more, of not spending every fraction of a second I can with him.

I push the training room door open, feeling thoroughly shaken by my thoughts of the future. But as I enter, Alec brightens. He comes over, kisses my cheek quickly, blushes, and rushes back over to Toby. In that moment, I don't see Alec Lightwood the warrior, the shadowhunter, the protector, the man who could motivate an entire group of people into being unashamedly themselves. I see Alec Lightwood the boy, the sweet, awkward young man who showed up on my door and thanked me for saving his life. Who stumbled over his words asking me out. Who I gave his very first kiss. Who fell down the stairs outside my apartment because he was so overwhelmed by his first ever date. In the blue eyes that meet mine across the room as he goes back to help Toby, in the smile that responds to my glance, I see Alec Lightwood as I saw him for the first time.

"How did you even manage to lose an arrow in a confined space?" Alec asks Toby, who shrugs, laughing.

As I look on, my fears for the future seem so insignificant. It's worth it, it's all worth it, to spend a mortal lifetime with Alec Lightwood.