Among the Stars [Frerard]

Chapter 11: The Story of the Lines

Both boys were now sat in Gerards room, Frank was practically shaking from anxiety but he managed to keep it hidden quite well. Disappearing would be so much easier than actually facing this situation, he thought. Frank would just have to convince him that everything is fine and that he no longer does something as stupid as mutilating your own skin. Frank was intently staring at his hands and Gerard was sat opposite him with a concerned look plastered all over his face.

"Frankie..," he started, "when did you start doing this to yourself?" Frank glanced up and tried to answer.

"Uh I started w-when I was thirteen," he managed to stutter out.

Gerard looked shocked but kept a relatively calm composure. He felt terrible, how could he never have noticed? Gerard noticed how nervous his boyfriend seemed so he took his hands in his own and gently stroked his hand with his thumb.

"Don't worry it's okay, I won't make fun of you." Frank looked back at his hands that were now gently placed in between Gerards. He was still shaking but he tried to keep it to a minimum so that the taller boy wouldn't take note of it.

"Will you tell me why you started?" Gerard spoke softly and moved closer to Frank. "I'm sorry I'm kind of forcing you to tell me all of this but I really care about you and I want to help you as best I can," he explained.

Frank was tense, he had never talked about any of this before, he was afraid and the more he contemplated what his boyfriend was asking of him, the more he realised he didn't possess an answer.

"I-I don't really know why I uh you know s-started, I guess I just deserve the pain it brings me."

Gerard looked absolutely shattered by what he had just been told. To Frank it didn't make sense, why would his own pain affect anyone else so drastically? Hearing those words made Gerard want to cry, his beautiful boyfriend thought that his skin deserved these painful marks of self-hatred. He simply pulled Frank into his arms. The hug lasted for several minutes and neither really wanted it to end, it gave a blissful false sense of security that neither wanted to let go of.

Finally they pulled apart and Gerard spoke again, "I want you to listen to me and really take this in, okay?"

Frank nodded in reply.

"Okay.. I want you to know that you really mean a lot to me. Nothing is worth hurting yourself over, if you ever feel like doing.. that," he glanced towards Franks thighs and sighed, "please call me. I will drop whatever I'm doing immediately, I just want you to be safe."

He searched Franks eyes for an answer but he just stared back. Franks gaze fell to his boyfriends lips and he leant forward to capture Gerards soft lips with his own. The kiss was full of emotion, they were trying to create that false reassuring sense of security again. They were non-verbally communicating that everything would be fine.

Although one of the two boys knew that it was a complete lie. Nothing is okay. His depression and anxiety were still there. The thoughts were still there, plaguing him from day to day. Over the course of the next few days it just got worse. Frank was never really outgoing in school and since he kept feeling even more dead inside day by day he didn't even have the energy to act as if he was fine. He still tried his best around Gerard but, really, how well could he pretend he was okay when he already felt as if he was dead?

Frank had just gotten out of maths class when Gerard came running up to him, or well speed walking because neither of the two were very.. sporty. His boyfriend looked distressed, his brows were slightly furrowed and his eyes held this look of worry that just told you that whatever he was about to say to me was something he had been stressing about for a longer period of time. They started heading out of the school building seeing as it was their last period had just come to an end. Frank hadn't actually talked to his boyfriend all day. He skipped lunch and spent it cowering away in the bathroom. No one would question his absence though, he did this a lot.

"Are you okay? I mean uh- well because Mikey came up to me a couple lessons ago and told me that earlier he had seen you with this look on your face that he could only describe as 'I'm gonna kill everyone that even comes close to me and then kill myself as well'. And he told me I should probably go check on you. 'Cause he was too scared to. So yeah here I am. Uh- so are you okay?" He scratched the back of his head absentmindedly.

Frank would have thought it cute but his head was going a thousand miles a minute and he was finding it hard to concentrate. Frank couldn't help but note the fact that his worried gaze was because now Gerard knew about his cuts. He only worried so much because he was afraid Frank might do something stupid, which was a fair though because he might've. He had sat in the boys bathrooms with a cold piece of metal pressed up against his skin making perfect crimson liquid spilling on to the ugly tile floor whilst his boyfriend sat joking around with his friends in the canteen.

Frank snapped out of his daze, "Yeah, oh- yeah, everything's good. Don't worry yourself."

He flashed a small fake smile at Gerard as well, hoping it would convince him enough to leave him be.

But he couldn't have told a bigger lie. Nothing was fucking okay. Frank wasn't getting better, he was getting so much worse. He could already feel the feeling building up in his chest the last few days. It wasn't long until he was left as such an emotional mess that he wouldn't even be able to get up in the morning. He wouldn't even have the energy to end his miserable existence.