Beneath Your Beautiful // Michael Clifford

16

Ali

"Michael!" I scream as I run out of my car.

"..Do you know the man that was trying to shoot you?" The officer asks Michael.

Michael looks over at me then back at the officer. "He's my father. I haven't seen him in five years and he lost all custody rights when my parents divorced. But he was after my mum."

I instantly felt guilty for being so selfish about my life when he had so much shit going on.

"Thank you, he'll be locked away for awhile." The man assures Michael before going in his car and driving off.

I run to Michael my arms holding onto him so tight. "I was so worried." I sniffle.

"Hey, I'm good, thanks to you." He comforts me.

"Don't try to comfort me, I'm worried about you. I should comforting you." I demand as we head into the house. "How about we cuddle and you can tell me about your life."

"My past isn't that interesting."

"Dude, your own dad tried to kill you and wants to kill your mum." I remind him.

"Yeah..." He looks down at the ground and I could tell he was still terrified of the recent events.

I grab his hand, showing him it'll be okay. We walk over to the couch and quickly find a comfortable position. I was against his chest facing him while our legs were tangled up.

"Tell me about you. Your whole life. The bad and good." I force him snuggling into his chest.

"Well I guess my earlier years, from when I was born till age ten, were decent. I met the guys in year two. But I could tell there was tension between my parents." Michael takes a deep breath. "Then my dad started getting abusive. My mum would then work later to avoid my dad leaving me alone with him most days, unless I could sneak out to one of the guy's houses. Which often lead to big trouble with my dad."

He rubs his eyes taking a huge breath.

"It just got worse and worse. My dad kept getting drunk, making the abuse worse than when he was sober. He cheated on my mum many times. Then when I was about thirteen, it pretty much ended it all. My dad threw two beer bottles at me giving me huge gashes where I had to go to the hospital for stitches."

He points to a small scar on his face and a huge one on his stomach. I place my lips on his chest trying to comfort him.

"My dad that night lost custody rights and my parents soon got divorced. I then didn't see him till today. But I began to feel alone. My mum working late and I felt like I had no one. I distanced myself for a few months from the others. Once I let them back in, I began to self harm knowing I would never be good enough or wanted." He began sobbing. "I fucking attempted. I'm such an idiot."

"Michael, no." I cry. The boy who I was falling for was in so much pain and had been in even worse pain before. It was hard to believe that the cheerful, bubbly boy I know wasn't always like this.

"I know, I was the biggest idiot. I felt so unwanted, though. But my mum started working a little less to make sure I was good, she was just pitying me. The boys have been the hugest help, though. I started sleeping around like you heard earlier today, that wasn't a lie. But I did it for a reason. Not to be a slut, but to feel wanted." He places his thumb under my chin and lifting my head up so our red puffy eyes were looking directly at each other. "Then I met you."

"And screwed it up more?" I guess.

"No, definitely not. You made me feel wanted and like I was needed. You make me so fucking happy, Alina."

"You make really happy Michael. You are slowly taking down the wall I've built up for so long. And god damnit are you more than I deserve." I smile widely.

"Why am I more than you deserve?" He questions, genuinely confused.

"Because put you through hell, being a confusing, stubborn ass person. And fricken being scared of commitment when you want to be with me." I explain.

"So, do you not want to be with me?" Michael questions, clearly a little hurt.

"I do. But just like I said, commitment. That word scares me so much." I confess.

"You learn from your experiences." He comments.

"Yeah. But my experiences have made me scared of trust and commitment." I sigh.

"Tell me about you, shortie."

"Well, I guess my childhood was decent. But there was always something off between my parents. But my mum always seemed distant. She became abusive when I was around eight. My dad was oblivious to this for like two years before finally walking in on my mum kicking my gut as I lay on the ground." I explain to him and he just brings me closer to him, making me feel safe.

"My dad called the cops shortly after and my mum was arrested for child abuse. She was sentenced twenty years of jail. My dad filed a divorce and we moved to Sydney from Melbourne shortly after for a 'new start'."

"I hope that's how long my dad's in jails, in fact I hope it's longer." Michael mumbles.

"He deserves it." I then add.

"Okay keep going." Michael urges.

"So when we moved I was in year seven, so in the middle of secondary school. But I felt alone and unwanted, almost like you. I began the self harming and have, thankfully, recently got better with not self harming. That's besides the point, so I became like a castaway or outcast. Year eight was better, I met Emily and Lauren, then later Alex." My breathing hitches as I mentioned him. "Dude, I was in love. I thought he was the person to make me feel better and happy. I thought we were forever, but then the end of the school year in year nine, he started becoming a jerk and abusing me."

I started sobbing at the memories I swore would never be talked about again. Mikey starts to rub circles on my back.

"The person I thought would rid me of my terrible past and make me happy, made me so depressed. I broke up with him. He later that summer, raped me. I felt betrayed and unwanted again. I felt so insecure like I was not good enough for anyone. After the events with Alex, he spread the word about my mum and I was humiliated. I was bullied. So I built up my walls and didn't want anyone to break them down so I would know I was safe. Then my dad met Anne. I met Ashton, who is the best brother I could ask for, they got engaged a year later. But the beginning of the relationship I was very skeptical. Then they got engaged and I was terrified. I mean I'm better with that now but ever since my mum, I've had trouble with trust and commitment, then it got worse. But you Clifford, you are something else."

"So you really aren't just saying you are scared cause you don't want me." Michael smiles a little bit.

"But that's also a reason I don't want to go behind Ashton's back. I don't want to lose his trust or be the person who betrays and breaks trust."

"Like I've said many times before, baby girl. Ashton isn't our boss." Michael pecks my lips.

"You are so beautiful." I murmur against his lips.

"But you're gorgeous and mean so much to me."

"I think it's really weird how the wedding is in two weeks and we have to preform."

"Yeah, but you sound amazing." Michael compliments.

"You are better, but thank you." I peck his lips. Feeling safe and wanted, a feeling I've missed and was scared I'd never feel again.