Fading (A Calum Hood Fan Fiction; Sequel to Pretending)

Chapter 40: Him

All of us were having that usual beer pong game and shit whenever we kind of put up a party every night. We will be leaving Melbourne the next, next day and Chasing Lines will be starting to record their next EP for the next couple of weeks so maybe this is why everyone's kind of celebrating again. Keira have gone back to Sydney a few days ago just like what she told me, but told everyone that I didn't know about it too. I didn't want to cause any drama, because I was sure that she left in an instance because of me. Maybe it was for the better, too. For me, for her, for us. I never wanted any of this to happen, but I know I can never force myself to fall in love with someone else when I know that I'm still in love with the past.

It was when I emptied my second cup of beer when a realization hit right through me. I tried stopping myself from smiling, because I know I would end up looking pretty stupid but I couldn't even hold it back. I didn't mind if I'd be leaving this group of people just outside the rest house because I know I would rather be glad to have another company right now. I sneaked just about three cans of beers and a red cup, then slowly made my way back inside the rest house and left my bandmates and almost everyone partying and singing outside.

One minute. I've been standing for about a minute long in front of her door and until now I couldn't grab the door knob or even just give a few knocks to make her know that someone's outside her room door. I keep telling myself to just go back because maybe she won't even let me in—let alone the fact that we haven't talked since we got back here again. But there's just something in me that keeps sticking myself in the spot where I am standing, having the strong urge to start making knocks in her door. I know I'm being such a weak bitch again but I have to grow yet another pair of balls to ask her or just check if she's alright. It's just that.

But the door immediately opened even before I started knocking.

"Oh uhm, hey." She approached. I remained standing awkwardly. "What are you doing?"

Kristen looked at the cans I was holding then let out a light laugh, as if this is all just a normal thing— as if nothing ever happened, as if I didn't do anything.

"I was uhm, I was just about to knock because I wanted to uh— I was wondering maybe you wanted some since you've been up here all night long and we're partying down there."

"Come in." She stated.

I don't know what to feel.

"What? Are-are you sure?" I stammered.

"Just get in, buttface." She pulled me inside and just laughed, then walked back to probably where she was before she opened the door after closing the door behind me.

"I was actually expecting Karen to come up here and bring me stuff. I'm tired of talking to myself." She added. "Thanks for the booze. I'm actually having a few even before you came."

We sat down the floor, just a few inches away from her bed. Her room has a full view of the beach, and if it's going to be realy silent, you'll hear nothing but the sound of the crashing waves and just your breathing.

The two of us remained silent, and somehow it seemed a little awkward for me but I tried not to think about it. I kind of feel like I should just go back outside, but I know of course I couldn't just leave her again just that. I started looking around her, then saw a few empty cans of beer already. She's been drinking, I thought. I know I shouldn't be thinking about some other reasons but I know that I still know her. She wouldn't just drink because she wanted to.

"I think I'm just gonna have these beers with me." I started talking, breaking the silence. "I mean, you've had a few."

Kristen stood up to open the sliding door just in front of us, making the cool wind hit our faces. I'm wearing a sweater so I didn't mind it that much, but Kristen wasn't so she grabbed one of the blankets that was lying on her bed and covered her entire body before grabbing a beer from my hands without saying anything.