Addiction // S.W (Complete)

Chapter Seven

Sam's POV

"Fuck." I groaned quietly to myself as I woke up, my head instantly pounding so hard that I couldn't even dare to open my eyes. Surely I didn't drink that much last night, in fact I was sure I didn't but then again, I drank at least a bit and I was high as hell so that probably explained why I felt like utter crap today. I rolled over onto my back, unwrapping my arm from Harper's sleeping form beside me and opened my eyes slowly, squinting at the brightness of the room before remembering today was Monday and that meant I had three meetings today. Great. I groaned again in annoyance as I checked the clock beside me, I had half an hour to get ready and from how dead I felt in that moment, the idea seemed impossible.

Reluctantly I dragged myself out of bed, trying my best to stay quiet to avoid waking Harper because I know I annoyed her last night and I wouldn't want to make it worse. I felt my heart swell though at what happened when we got home, as if she'd actually agreed to being my girlfriend! I honestly never thought she'd even consider but it turned out sometimes things do go my way. I smile to myself as I glance at her sleeping figure, so peaceful and beautiful and I was in awe; ever since that first night I met her I knew I'd wanted to be with her. Snapping myself out of my daze, I walked into my bathroom. I didn't have time for a shower today so I guessed a quick face wash, some dry shampoo and lots of deodorant would just have to suffice. I wasted no time in getting all that out of the way and turned to leave the bathroom. But then I hesitated, every fucking time I almost manage to ignore those damn thoughts, my brain has to remind me that I need it to be myself. "Just fucking ignore it." I whispered to myself because I could easily just walk away and that would be that. But my throat closes up at the thought and it's hard for me to breathe and I could feel my head start to pound more than it was before. But it's whatever, I'm perfectly okay.

I sighed shakily as I dragged myself back over to the cupboard, pulling out my usual supplies and inhaling the powder without even a second thought about it. It's just usual morning routine for me now and while some might see it as a bad thing, I just figured it's a good way to help me wake up. And then continue to keep me awake throughout the day when it eventually wears off. But I'm not addicted. I'm fine.

"Sammy?" I heard Harper's voice call from my room and I rushed out of the bathroom without even taking a second to put things away. Her face lit up at the sight of me and I grinned at her, possibly too enthusiastically but she didn't seem phased. "Sorry, I didn't know where you were." She blushed slightly as she registered that maybe she'd come across as bit too worried but I found it cute, everything she does is cute.

"I'm always around somewhere." I smirked, making sure to keep myself from staring directly at her because I knew my eyes would give away something if she looked for two long, in fact, I'm pretty surprised that she hasn't even questioned me yet about why I always look the way I do - come to think of it, not many people have except Nate but I guessed that might just be me overthinking things, it's probably not that obvious. "Look, I got meetings today, like three of them but you can stay here if you want? Probably not the best idea that I drive you home."

"I'll stay here." Harper nodded, a smile present on her lips but I can tell her eyes are judging me and there's a question on her lips. I turned my attention to getting dressed, picking out my favourite navy blue suit and slipping it on quickly. Except I couldn't do my damn tie, my hands were too shaky and unsteady and they moved too quick for me to do anything properly with them; amazing. I swore under my breath in annoyance. I was definitely going to be late at this rate. "Want me to help you?" Her voice carried a light hint of humour and I felt my cheeks heat up because I knew she was laughing at me. I nodded my head a little, an embarrassed smile playing on my lips as she walked towards me.

"We've been dating less than 24 hours and I've already got you whipped." I teased and she hit my arm lightly with a chuckle. I laughed probably a little more than I should've judging by the strange look she gave me before she finished with the tie, tucking it proudly into my jacket with a smug smile. "All done." She announced before placing a quick peck on my lips. I smiled widely, aware that it would show my dimples and I knew how much she loved them. But I was met by a look of concern rather than happiness in return. "Babe your nose is bleeding." She pointed out and my eyes shot open as I became completely aware of the feeling that I must've been numb to before she pointed it out. "Want me to go get tissue?" She started off into the direction of the bathroom before I remembered that I forgot to clean up in there. I felt the panic shoot through me like a bolt of lightening and I grabbed her arm, pulling her back.

"No, I-it's fine. I can just just do it with my hand, see?" To prove a point, I wiped the small trickle of blood with the back of my hand, which only served to form a red stain on the back of my hand and smudge it across my face. Harper rolled her eyes at my action grabbing my hand and moving to pull me into the bathroom, I stayed firmly in place, pulling her back to me just as fast and she looked at me with a face of absolute confusion. "Sam what the fuck are you doing? You've got blood all over, just let me clean it up or you'll be late." Her voice came out soft but I could tell she was annoyed - though not as annoyed as she would be if she went in there. "I'm fine, okay? I'll just grab a paper towel from downstairs." Eventually, Harper gave up struggling to get into the bathroom and I felt relief wash over me. Until I saw her eyes studying me.

"What's wrong with you?" Concern leaked from each word, her face genuinely showing worry towards me and I felt my chest tighten up at her words. "Look at you. Your hands are shaking so much you can't even do up your tie..." she held up my hand in front of us and I cringed at the complete lack of control I had over it, it never was like this to start with but I guess now it had gotten too much. "...you're eyes look more distant each time I look at you and now this." She gestured to my nose, which was still running and had dripped down to my white shirt but I didn't care at this point. "Please, tell me what's wrong." I could feel my chest tighten at her words, the way she described me made me feel so helpless and I wondered how I'd even gotten to this point. I wished she'd just figure it out herself instead of me having to tell her because by now she'd already guessed that there's something wrong with me.

"I'm going to be late." I simply stated, pulling my hand from her grasp sharply and averting my gaze, taking a few steps backwards. "Please stop looking at me like that." I pleaded with her because I could feel a lump forming in my throat and my eyes were welling with tears and I wasn't even sure why it was happening but I couldn't stop it. For the first time ever, I felt properly weak. For the first time, I felt ashamed of myself and realisation came crashing down on me that I'd fucked up bad and getting back out wasn't going to be easy. I wasn't even aware that I was crying until I felt her arms wrap around me, pulling me into her as I cried quietly. "I'm sorry." I mumbled over and over again; Harper probably thought I was speaking to her but I was mainly saying it to myself; I had to apologise to myself for fucking things up so badly, for practically ruining my own life.

After I finished my small breakdown, I changed my shirt quietly now my nose bleed had worn off. I had my back to Harper but I knew she was still looking at me, perched at the foot of my bed. "I'll help you stop." She spoke, breaking the silence and every fibre of my being froze at her words. "You'll what?" I spun round to look at her, my eyes wide but her gaze was just fixed on the floor. "I'm not stupid, I just wanted you to tell me. I figured it out last night when you left to use 'the bathroom' but I didn't know what you were on until, well, your nose." She gestured to my bloody face but I didn't move, still completely in shock. "I-I have to go to work." Those were the only words that managed to fall out of my mouth but she simply shook her head. "No, you have to call in sick and get back into bed. Just do as I say." All I could do was nod as I listened to her, feelings of both relief and dread washing over me; relief at the thought of getting away from what felt like months of prison within my mind and dread because this sure as hell wouldn't be easy and I wasn't all too sure that I'd be able to do it at all.