Addiction // S.W (Complete)

Chapter Twelve

Tears burned tracks down my cheeks as I pushed my way out of Sam's apartment building, the harsh cold air hitting me like a knife and I had to take a moment to get my breath back. I had to find somewhere to stay for the night because there was no way I was going home, my parents would be too suspicious and knowing my dad he'd come right over and fire Sam on the spot for so much as making me feel a little bit upset. Except I wasn't a little bit upset, I was an utter sobbing mess, I was absolutely terrified of what had just happened between the two of us; both the way in which Sam changed so quickly and the fact that I could have possibly lost him. I never wanted that, no matter how angry he got at me I had to accept that because he was going through things that I couldn't even comprehend the difficulty of. But one thing I knew for sure, there was no way I could help him alone. I had to tell someone and maybe Sam wouldn't appreciate it at first. he'd have to accept it because clearly it wasn't working out with just the two of us trying to get through it together. I knew there was no way of me telling any of my friends about what was going on because firstly, they barely even know Sam and secondly, they'd probably give me lectures about how being with 'someone like him' would be bad for me; that just accentuates the point that they don't even know Sam though because if they really got to know him, they'd see how good he is for me - how good we are for each other. My only option was to get in contact with either Gilinsky, Johnson or Nate because I knew if Sam would be okay with anyone finding out, it would be them.

Pulling out my phone, I typed out an identical text to all three of the boys, 'hey, i know this is last minute but is there any chance i could come by for a little while?' , I figured whoever replied first would be the one I would go to because I was in no fit state of mind to think logically about who I'd share my problems with. I received two replies within the space of a minute - Nate and Johnson.

From Nathan:

no can do mama im out, sorry :(  did u hear from yung samuel btw?

To Nathan: 

dont worry about it! n yea he's good :)))

From Johnson:

sure! ngl im so glad u asked, g's away with his family and its drivin me crazy being home alone. do u still remember the address or should i come pick u up?

To Johnson:

its only like 5 minutes from sam's place so i should be good. ill see you soon x

*** 

It took me a little longer than five minutes to get to Jack's, I sort of lost my sense of direction due to my brain being so confused and the only time I'd ever been there was for the party which seemed so long ago now. I rang the doorbell twice before I heard Jack's footsteps approaching and the door swung open, he had a huge smile on his face when he greeted me, probably happy that we were actually going to spend time together because Sam's friends had wanted to get to know me better since we met. The smile dropped once he saw my tear-stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes and he immediately pulling me inside out of the cold, taking my hand gently and pulling me into the living room to sit on the couch. "I'm so sorry for just turning up like this, I didn't have anywhere else to go and-"  Jack shushed me as I continued to ramble and I sniffed slightly to try stop any more tears from falling but the more I thought about what happened with Sam, the more I felt like I was about to burst into tears again. 

"Did something happen with Sam?" Jack questioned, his eyes full of such genuine concern making me glad that I chose to come here of all places. All I could do was nod my head as I watch Jack's eyes knit together in confusion. "Was it really that bad? I mean, Sam fucking loves you, I'm sure you can get through it, he'd do anything for you."  I shrugged my shoulders as I tried to compose myself, maybe Sam does love me but I know he wouldn't do anything for me. Not now he just gave up on himself when all I wanted him to do was be strong. "Tell me what happened, please?"

"He needs help, Jack, I mean serious help." I started, taking a deep breath as Jack looked at me as though to urge me to continue. "I've been trying so hard to get him to stop everything and he's been trying too but today he lied, he was supposed to be going to Nate's and then when he got back I confronted him about it." I was one hundred percent certain that I made no sense to Jack but the honest truth was that I was trying so damn hard to explain things properly without explaining what was actually wrong with Sam because that was the first thing he'd asked of me when I discovered his secret - 'don't tell anyone'.

"Look, you're gonna have to tell me what's actually going on with him because I can't help unless I know what's happening. We've all noticed there's something up with him lately and anything I can do to help would just be a bonus, wouldn't it?" Jack was right, although I had been so close to Sam lately I definitely wasn't the only whose his well-being affected. "Okay fine. But please don't over react, I just need to tell you because I'm so worried about him Jack, it's killing me." Jack took both my hands in his and urged me to go on with his comforting blue eyes. 

"He's on coke, like hooked on it completely." I could tell from the way Jack's mouth dropped agape that it certainly what he wasn't expecting. "The other morning he, uh, his hands were shaking they were fucking all over the place, he couldn't even do up his tie so I offered to help. It was so fucking scary seeing him like that, he had like no control I didn't know what to do. So I did up his tie and then his nose was bleeding and that's when it fully clicked in my brain. I told him I'd help and I promised I wouldn't tell anyone but it's too fucking hard to keep up with him, he's so ill and I don't know what to do."  I was in full-blown tears by this point, the sobs completely tearing through my body as Jack's arms wrapped around me, rubbing my back in comforting motions and he laid me down on the couch.

"You go to sleep," he spoke softly, crouching down beside me as he stroked my forehead. "I know it's hard and trust me, I need to process this too so get some rest and we'll talk about it more in the morning, okay?" I felt comforted at just the thought of that weight of a secret being lifted off my shoulders as Jack gently kissed my forehead. I drifted off into sleep within a matter of minutes.