Addiction // S.W (Complete)

Chapter Eleven

Sam's POV

I'm a fucking mess. There's no denying it, it's only been five days and I'm an absolute wreck. I can't leave the bed, I can't stop my body from shaking and everything aches. My whole body is in pain and I can't stop sweating. I'm so exhausted but I can't sleep for the life of me, when I do sleep I dream of that fucking stuff that ruined my life and then I wake up needing it more than ever . This is too fucking hard. I can't do it any more. This is exactly when I gave up last time I tried to stop. When the pain and struggle got too unbearable for me to even see the benefits once I get through it. But these withdrawal symptoms are supposed to last up to two weeks; that feels like two years to me now in comparison to how long these last few days have been. I don't even pay attention when Harper enters the room, she's been so good to me through all this even though I've not been the best boyfriend to her. "Baby, do you want something to eat? You haven't had anything since yesterday." Her voice is soft as she kneels in front of me, pressing a cold flannel on my forehead but I flinch away, I know she's just being kind but I'm not in the right mindset to appreciate it right now. "I told you before, I'm fine." I snap and I know I shouldn't speak to her this way but it's difficult when you're mind is focused on something you can't get because your girlfriend made you fucking throw it out and there's no way I can get any more without her finding out. Or maybe there is, I just need time to think about it. "Look, can you just leave me alone for a bit, please?" 

I wait until she leaves before I reach out to my phone, I have a few texts from my friends; Nate asking if he can come chill later, the Jacks asking if I'm good because they haven't spoken to me in a few days but I ignore them all. I don't have time for them right now when I have more important shit to be dealing with. I bring up my dealer's number, my fingers hesitating before I type out the text because part of me feels guilty for giving up and going behind Harper's back. I need it though, I'm in too much pain to just let it continue on for what seems like forever. 'meet me at the usual place in an hour?'  I don't need to tell him how much I want, it's always the same for me so he just knows by now. Once I get a response confirming that he is in fact going to meet me, I make sure to delete the texts just in case Harper sees by accident and then I get out bed, my head spinning from the sudden movement and my head pounding more than before but I ignore it as I reach into my cupboard, pulling out my box of money and grabbing $160, the usual amount for 2 grams of coke; that should last me for at least two or three days if I'm lucky. I don't put any effort into getting dressed really, just slinging on some grey sweatpants and red jumper before I leave my room, hopping down the stairs and entering the living room to see Harper curled up on the sofa watching TV.

"I'm gonna go to Nate's, get some fresh air, y'know?" I sit down beside her and wrap my arm around her, pulling her in closer to me into a sideways hug. "Don't look so worried, I'll be fine. I promise." 

"Okay, just don't be back too late." She speaks, kissing my cheek and I feel a pang of guilt in my stomach about the fact that I'd just lied to her face and she trusts me enough to believe me. It's not going to stop me going though, not now the idea of being so close to getting my fix has taken over my brain. "Love you." She whispers softly and I feel as though she partly expected me to not return it because of how I spoke to her earlier but I do love her and she knows that I didn't mean to come across as harsh, it's just my mind is elsewhere. "I love you too." 

*** 

Harper's POV

It's been hours and I'm  worried sick about Sam. He's been replying to my texts but I still feel on edge, like there's something not right but I'm not about to go accusing him of something, not while he hasn't given me a reason to not trust him. But I need to just make sure, at least just to double check that Sam isn't telling any lies to me, so I pull out my phone and begin to type.