Not a girl Not yet a woman [M/H]

>6<

I was a victim under his hard gaze. 

His eyes wouldn't shift from mine. As though he was staring deep into my innocent soul. Opening me up and exposing my vulnerability. 

"You are" He breathed heavily, as though he was telling himself in disbelief. And rubbed across his forehead, wincing slightly.

My eyes widened. Panic cursed through me. I sprung up off of him in humiliation. How the hell did he work it out? Seriously, was it that obvious all along? More to the point, why am I acting more panicked than him here.

"What are you doing?" He asked, followed with a heavy sigh, running his hand through the middle of hair roughly, shaking it to give it that messy look again. Watching me as I scanned around his room quickly for my top, somewhere on the floor.

I needed to get out of here. Save myself the embarrassment and rejection. It was obviously going to come. He wanted me for one thing. And now he knows that's out of the question for him. He's not going to want me to stay for a cuppa and a chat about the weather.

"Sophia?" He breathed. Still sat in the same spot on the bed.

I fought with my blouse. Desperate to hurry and leave so I didn't have to answer him.

"Sophia" He called again, his tone suddenly amused. 

I pulled my top down and stomped over for my bag near the door. Refusing to even look at him now.

"That's inside out" He chuckled lightly. And slowly left the bed, heading over in this direction.

"What?" I snapped.

He stood directly in front of me, pinching one of the shoulders between his finger and thumb, showing the tag, "Your top. It's inside out" He said, now humorless from my harshness. 

I stared down at his hand and rolled my eyes. 

I don't even know how to feel at this moment in time. I wanted to dash for the door and forget this ever happened. I wanted to stay and apologies for wasting his time. I wanted to scream and lash out at the fact Matty Healy was here, right now, practically naked, and wanted me. Yet it couldn't happen.

The emotion that took over me was one I wasn't expecting to crash into me.

I dropped my head, throwing my hand up over my face to try and hide my eyes. The tears. The state I was in. 

I was relieved. Frustrated. And disappointed all in one.

"Don't- don't do that" Matty voiced in a hushed tone. And before I knew it, I was flung into his bare chest, one arm enveloped around me as the other soothed and stroked the back of my head, hushing me sensitively as though I was a child that had just fallen off her bike.

It felt as though time had stopped as I eventually calmed myself down and composed myself. Strangely enough, it was concentrating on Matty's erratic heartbeat that seemed to relax me. His scent. The smoothness of his cool skin. His patience with me. Not letting me go until I cleared my throat, realising it was becoming uncomfortable now, especially with the circumstance of why I was like this.

"Why are you crying?" He asked, putting me at arms length, still holding onto my upper arms, watching me with a small sympathetic smile.

God, I must be making him feel uncomfortable from this.

I only shrugged. I didn't even know myself really. 

Why was I still here? Why was he not showing me the door?

"So you're a virgin... Big deal" He said sarcastically. As though it was the opposite of what he said. And dropped his arms, creating a slapping sound with his hands against his thighs before shrugging and turning around to make his way back to the bed. "It's not a bad thing, Love. It's-"

"Weird" I quickly interrupted with my first thought. 

He rolled his eyes at me and dropped onto the bed "Different."

"Different in a bad way" I stated.

Making him smirk at me and shake his head "In a, I dunno... Unusual way." 

I rolled my eyes in return before dropping my gaze "Unusual is never good" I mumbled more to myself. 

"What?" He chuckled, "In my world it is. Being original is boring and over-rated" He said, flashing me a reassuring smile. 

He patted the bed beside him, gesturing for me to take the spot.

I frowned across at him confused.

"I'm not going to throw myself at you now, am I? Just sit" He voiced playfully.

But without realizing, his words hit me with a thud to the chest. What was that supposed to mean?

 "No." He rushed, holding a hand up, realising how I'd taken it. "No I mean like...." He trailed off. Toying with his fingers for a few seconds before standing and reaching a hand out for me to take. "Please, come and sit for a bit" He pleaded, wriggling his fingers and flashing me a goofy grin until I took it and sat next to him.

"So?" He turned his body to face me. Setting alarms to go off in my head suddenly. "I guess you've been saving it for someone special, huh?" He raised a brow at me playfully. Which was now beginning to ease me up. 

When he's like this, he was being exactly how I always imagined him. But I couldn't help but feel intimidated around him. Especially now my secret was out?

"I guess" I shrugged. "Slightly personal question isn't it?"

"I'm intrigued" He admitted. His eyes never leaving me.

I scrunched my eye brows together and frowned at the floor. I'd heard this line so many times now.

"Do guys get like a script to prepare for when they happen to bump into a virgin?" I joked. Making him chuckle away to himself.

"What do you mean?" 

"Saving it for someone special?" I retorted back to him in a shitty attempt at his accent. Causing him to throw himself back onto the bed and burst into laughter at me.

"You're fascinating" He smiled up at me.

I turned, shooting an uncertain look down at him. "How so?" I questioned.

"Don't know" He shrugged and began laughing again. Making me mirror him and laugh along too. "It's something though"

"Poet" I smiled.

"Multi-talented, I know" He said vainly and broke out into a huge yawn. "Man, I'm exhausted" He shook his head quickly, as if to keep himself alert and awake.

I sighed. Knowing this weird, fucked up, yet amazing experience was coming to an end now. I looked at my watch. "It's getting late" I said aloud. Trying to ignore the disappointment I was feeling. I'd only just eased up around him. I was able to now look at him and smile. I'll be able to look back on this and not feel as mortified now, because he made me stay. And more importantly, made me feel normal.  

"You should get some sleep, you're back at the o2 tomorrow" 

A grin grew on his face. As he laid on hid side, his head resting on the back of his hand. His eyes now closed. "You're such a fan" He accused from my know it all about them. 

"And you're nothing like a typical celebrity" I admitted, standing to head off as it seemed he'd now zonked out. 

"Nothing like I was expecting. You're kind. Considerate. Patient" I told myself. Taking the site of him in, one more time before going. Because come tomorrow, this will all be a memory to me. And come tomorrow, Matty probably won't even remember me. 

I grabbed the door handle "Thank you" He muttered sleepily. 

He heard me.

I turned back. He'd not moved. His eyes were still closed. He looked so peaceful. Sprawled out in the middle of the huge bed with the white duvet crumpled up around him. 

"Thank you, too" I whispered. And closed the door quietly behind me.