5 Seconds of Summer Imagines

Bitterness of the Heart - Ashton Irwin

Trigger Warnings: Heartbreak, Issues within a relationship, Soulmates(?)

I updated this to remove all spelling errors, however, this was previously written in 2015 so the story is really bad. 

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"The bitterness of the heart can consume all we know and allow us to forget that what's in the past is in the past."

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Although time and fate distinguished who you would be with and what your future plans may consist of,  Ashton couldn't help but despise that when questioning his own fate, position and worth. 

Ever since he was a young boy his mother spoke of how the spirits had set an indication of what each individuals lives could look like. This consisted of who they would be with, what their aspirations could bring and how that would impact their future lives. Although, hopes and dreams could be changed. Who their hearts were entwined to could not. 

The young mother would always tell her son tales of before he was born; about how magical it could be to have your heart set on something so great but then could be crushed so easily. It pained her so much, telling her son of this, but she was setting him up for reality. Naturally, over time, the young, curly-haired boy became more curious about this topic his mother reminisced. Despite the doubt and sickness,  he felt whenever he would hear these tales, Ashton would rake through old library books to find winder insight into what his mother claimed to be called 'soul mates'. The idea of this did sicken him, as he feared to have his heart broken like his mother once had. It seemed so peculiar how something so big in your life wasn't decided by yourself but by something that seemed so mythical. It was supposed to be perfect, but if it was, why had his mother been hurt?

He was determined to find a way to secure his happiness.

Anne was once in love with a man who she cared for so much. He loved her and brought her so much passion that confirmed the idea that they were soul mates. As their relationship grew they were sure that their bond as soul mates was true. It overjoyed them. It was beautiful. It filled their veins with pure bliss and sparked the lust that later on conceived Ashton. However, 2 years into Ashton's life, tragedy struck. Ashton's father was caught in bed with another. Breaking, the bond that he and Ashton's mother had once established. It broke his Anne's heart. It filled her lungs with loss that eventually chipped away at her health too. What Ashton's father had done was unforgivable. It was unexpected. How could someone break the guides that the spirits had carefully crafted? It was surely impossible? Ashton's father was too, ashamed, of his actions, but knew that wouldn't amend what he had done, so he left. He left a heartbroken mother to raise an innocent child who would grow to know the truth behind this tale.  As Ashton grew, he refused to let his mother's tale be repeated, therefore, dedicated his time trying to understand soulmates.

Although his mother spoke a lot about this subject, she never really told him exactly what it would really feel like meeting his assigned other. Of course it was different for everyone, however, his mother hoped this lack of knowledge would allow her son's curiosity to get the better of him to the point he would begin to become accustomed to the idea of 'soul mates' and not allow what had happened to her affect him. She wanted him to find independence and hope from whoever he found love from.

In Ashton's defence, a part of this did entice him. He did want to know what it felt like to be with someone who was entwined to his soul. Who made up the missing pieces of his heart? He wanted to know whether or not there would be a sensation of which he would feel once meeting them. He couldn't wait to look into their eyes and connect all these pieces together. But he refused to allow his own thoughts interject with his guards he had built around his heart. He would only allow himself to see the negative to this. Although his mother's tale was what enhanced this, he thought of how others got so attached to their other halves. How they would 'love' someone without even knowing them. Some, like his mother, had told him, he would marry a few days after meeting. To him, this was ridiculous. He needed to know more, to restrain himself from making the same mistake.

Years seemed to have past and before Ashton knew it he was entering his early twenties, typically the prime age of meeting your significant other. The sun was lying thin as it settled on the golden streak that adorned its self above the trees but had hidden its self ever-so-slightly in between the folds of the clouds. It was nearing the evening, usually the time where the last of the cars that had once been hurdling through the streets, were now rare creatures that permitted themselves to be shown every once in a while. Shop shutters would start to become familiar with their surroundings, as the last of the dazed business collectives made their way through the entryways of the shops. It was settling. Especially for Ashton, who caught a glimpse of this captivating scenery, as he made his way out onto the half-abandoned streets, through an alleyway, located between a rustic, American-Style diner and old-fashioned barbers. Ashton had yet again decided to take a trip to the library, where prior to his twenties, he would spend time gathering information of which he used to create an understanding of soul mates, however, now the idea seemed to leave a bitter taste in his mouth.

 His mother still tried to reassure her son that he had no need to do this. No amount of research would change his fate. He wouldn't be able to force a perfect relationship if it was destined to be doomed, but he insisted because the tale his mother once told him had corrupted his mind. He didn't want to go through something like that again, therefore, he insisted he would try and find a way to secure the perfect life.

It took Ashton a minute or so to reiterate his thoughts before his slender, well-built legs that were decorated in clad, black skinny jeans, take him across the street, into the condense building of fiction and knowledge. Ashton wasn't exactly sure why he allowed himself to come here, as he was there only a few, short days ago. All he allowed himself to believe was it was a necessity.

Ashton usually stayed in the same tedious corner every week, for about an hour, before sighing with reluctance. He was failing to keep his walls up. He was beginning to crave the touch of his required other. Only if he knew who they were.
As soon as he entered the building he would grab three different books, all about the same thing; soul mates, and analyse them cover to cover. He could probably recite them by now if he let himself. For someone who dislikes the idea of loving another, accepting another, he sure did ponder the concept an awful lot.

It seemed like a chore now. Pick up a book. Read. Put it down. Pick up another. However, Ashton taught himself to believe it was for the same reason and same reason only. To avoid heartbreak. But with each line he read, Ashton seemed to grow accustomed with the idea of accepting his other half.