Slipping Away

Chapter 7

  In the weeks following me coming home to Luke, we decided it would be a good idea to go back down to the beach house and relax. Luke deserved that as well as some much needed family time. He'd gone through enough.

  Luke and I laid in bed. It felt odd, finally not having the sheets cold and no sound of slight snores. Instead, I laid on my side on the right side of the bed while Luke laid on his back on the left. I turned on my side and scooted closer to Luke. I began to draw imaginary circles across his chest, just like I usually do. Luke loved that, it was usually one of his weaknesses, yet he flinched. I glanced up at his face and his eyes were forced shut and his mouth clamped shut. Immediately, I sat up.

"Luke, honey, what's wrong?" I asked worriedly.

He quickly shook his head. "Nothing."

I reached out to place my hand on his arm, and yet again he flinched. I felt tears well in my eyes. "You're afraid for me to touch you..." I said quietly.

Luke sat up. "No baby, it's not that at all, it's just, the memory of you know..."

"Is still fresh." I finished for him.

He nodded and looked away. I watched him, knowing how broken he felt. I can remember when Chris used to beat me, making me feel so small and helpless. There were times when I didn't want to be touched by Luke, afraid that he'd hurt me. All I wanted to do was wrap Luke in my arms but I knew I couldn't do that.

"Do you remember Chris?" I asked.

Luke glanced at me, a new found look of fiery in his eyes. "That son of a bitch, how could I forget him? He hurt you and tried to kill me for God's sake! His memory is burned in my brain."

I sighed. "Do you remember how I didn't want you to touch me for a long while?"

Luke nodded. He remembered exactly how Caroline didn't want him to touch her in certain ways or for him to see her bare body. He remembered back to those days.

  "Hey baby, how was your day?"  I asked, as I slipped my arms around Caroline's waist and began nipping at her neck.

Caroline  shuttered under my touch and I immediately let go of her, backing up. "Caroline, what's wrong?"

I could see her shake her head from behind and reach up to her face with her hand to wipe away a strand of hair. My heart sunk to my stomach and I knew I had crossed a line that she wasn't ready to cross. Gently, I grabbed her hand and spun her towards me.

"Are you thinking about Chris?" I questioned softly.

Caroline slowly nodded and I saw a piece of her break inside. "I'm just thinking about all the times that he did what you just did to me- wrap his arms around me and kiss my sweet spot and-an try to force me to-to have..."

At this point she broke down in a for of tears, clasping onto the counter top before she collapsed. I quickly went to her aid and took her in my arms. I whispered sweet nothings in her ear, telling her it would be okay. As I rubbed her back, holding her crying body in my arms, I wanted nothing more than to kill the man who did this to her.

I watched as Luke shuttered. He sat up in bed and turned towards me, a look of sadness is his eyes.

"I remember that and how bad I felt about you going through that and how badly I wanted to fix that brokenness for you." Luke said softly.

"And you did help me get through it Luke. So how can I help you get through it. I don't like seeing you so broken."

Luke looked away for a long while before slowly dipping his eyes back towards me. "I feel like if we make love, it'll help me forget about all of the pain I suffered through and remind me that it's over and I have you."

I looked at him and smiled softly, taking his hands in my own. "I would love to do that for you if that will truly helped."

Luke nodded and I reached for his shirt, slipping it over his head. I saw him gulp and I looked for his approval to continue. He just nodded and reached for my shirt, tossing it to the side. Soon we were stripped of our clothes, leaving just our innocence and our bare bodies lying on the bed covered by nothing but the thin sheets. I looked into Luke's eyes as he hovered over top of me. I could tell he was breathing heavy.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked cautiously.

He nodded quickly before entering me, but abruptly stopped. I knew then that he couldn't bring himself to do it.

"Luke, honey, what is it?"

He pulled out, and got out of the bed and went into our bathroom. I quickly jumped from the bed too, wrapping my house coat around me and jogged into the bathroom. I found Luke staring at himself in the mirror, tears streaming down his face, a petrified look on his face.

"Luke, Luke what's wrong?" I asked hectically, running up to him.

He slowly turned towards me and began to break down. "I can't do this Caroline. I can't make love to you knowing the disgusting things that happened to me. I'm not worthy of your love. I mean look at me! How can you love a man who was raped?!"

Luke sunk to the bathroom floor, his hands in his head. I quickly went to his side, grabbing a towel from the towel rack as I did so. Ever so gently did I lay the blanket on top of his laps, covering up everything exposed. I grabbed Luke's face and cupped it in my hands, turning so his gaze was on me.

"Baby, you're so much more than worthy of my love. You deserve every ounce of it and I could never love you less. Luke, you can't let this bring you down, but only make you stronger. I want you to look at every inch of your body and embrace it. No matter what, you're still the humble, caring, talented, attractive and handsome man I fell in love with all those years ago and nothing shall ever change that."

Luke wiped the tears from his eyes and smiled softly. "I love you Caroline."

"I love you too Luke."