Slipping Away

Chapter 8

  I stood at the kitchen island, staring out the window above the sink. Cylinders of light cascaded through the window panes, giving the room a warm glow. I watched as the sun gradually dipped under the horizon. It wasn't often that I got the privilege of seeing a beach sunset, but when I did, I took in all of its beauty, its effortlessness to awe the human eye. And as the waves lapped up along the shore, the tide crashing onto the crystal white sand only to fade back out and repeat in that cycle, I realized that was what Luke was doing. He'd get so close to a break through in this heart-breaking slump he was in, only to be reminded once more of the awful doings that was done to him. I tried so hard to help him move on and past this bump in the road, to help him regain his happiness and help him find the Luke I fell in love with. He just simply wasn't himself anymore, he even avoided the kids half the time. That is what broke my heart the most. Luke believed that he couldn't be a good father and uncle anymore it seemed like.

"Daddy, come play cars with me!" I looked up as I heard Tate yell, beckoning Luke.

Tate sat on the living room floor with his pile of Matchbox Cars sprawled out in front of him. I watched intently as Luke stood from the couch and smiled softly. But it wasn't a happy smile, I could see his insides slowly crumbling bit by bit. Luke shook his head.

"Maybe another time, buddy. Why don't you ask Til to play?" Luke's voice cracked at the end of his sentence, causing him to escape to the balcony through the glass doors.

Tate seemed mortified at his dad's sudden departure of the room. I quickly went to his side and ruffled his hair. Til observed the whole scene from the couch and had looked up at me with concerned eyes. He didn't know what had happened to Luke, but I knew he was smart enough to figure out that things weren't okay. Til sat down next to Tate and began to race the toy cars with him. I silently thanked him before disappearing just as Luke had done to the balcony.

Luke was hunched over the railing, staring off into the distance. He looked so lost and lonely, afraid. I slowly walked up to next to him and leaned against the railing. I was quiet for a long while and just listened to the sounds of the waves.

"What's wrong Luke?" I asked, not daring to look at him. I kept my gaze focused on the sloshing water in front of us, down past the sand.

"I can't do this Caroline." Luke spoke, not turning to look at me either. "I can't be a good father anymore while I'm coming unraveled at the seams. I'm not a good role model. I can't step up to be the man of the house, the man they look up to, when I'm barely much of a man myself."

I gasped. "Luke, how can you say that? Those boys in there? They love you to bits and pieces no matter what. It doesn't matter what happened. You're still an amazing father and more of a man than any guy I've ever met if I'll be damned!"

Luke turned to look at me, his expression full of questions. I could tell he was scared of what the future held for him, what life was going to be like from now on. He was scared.

I continued, speaking softer now. "Being a dad means you are a part of something very wonderful. It means you will love and be loved for a very long time... no matter what."

Luke looked into my eyes, his eyes glazing over with emotion. I opened my arms knowing exactly what he needed. Luke almost lunged into my arms and I just held him there.

"Luke, I whispered. "Let me take you somewhere please. Get in the truck." He stepped back from our embrace and gave me a confused look. "Just do it, please."

Luke sighed and nodded, going back inside without a word. I followed him and asked Til to watch the kids for me, keeping a good eye on Ava who was getting to a point where she could crawl now.