"Hello?" Pt. 1

January 5th, 2016

"Hello."

"Finally! Do you know how long I've been waiting for you to call? Tell me everything!"

"Why have you been waiting? You could have called me."

"I didn't know what time you finished work."

"I'm still at work."

"At almost ten pm on a Tuesday night?"

"Workaholic."

"Figures. So...?"

"What?"

"Now you're just torturing me. Tell me everything about the break up date last night! Don't leave any detail go spare."

"You're weirdly excited for this, aren't you?"

"So would you be if the roles were reversed. Now, spill."

"It was fine."

"Fine?"

"It's an adjective."

"Wrong. In this contexts, it's an adverb."

"Very well."

"Synonym of 'fine.'"

"Do you want to hear about last night or not?"

"Duh!"

"We went to dinner and as the dessert arrived, I turned to her, filled up her wine glass- I thought she might need it- and then proceeded to tell her that I knew about her and Samuel."

"Samuel?"

"My brother."

"Wait, his name isn't Jesus?"

"Funnily enough, it isn't. Anyhow, she didn't seem upset, which was a bit of a let down. I expected some sort of reaction seeing as we'd been together for almost seven years-"

"Seven years?!"

"Yes, seven years. Arabella and I met at university but we didn't start dating until some years after."

"Friends to more than friends?"

"In a nutshell. You'd think that a seven year relationship coming to an end would warrant tears, but no. Nothing. Nothing. She actually looked relieved. Can you believe that?"

"Totally. I'd be relieved to get away from you, too."

"Ok, Sophie, I feel like I need to tell you this for your own sake, but you're not as funny as you think you are."

"You're right. I'm funnier. Back to your story though. Why was she relieved?"

"She said that she and Samuel had been sleeping together for almost eighteen months and that she'd been waiting for me to open my eyes and realise that she'd fallen out of love with me. She thought shagging my brother would do the trick."

"Haha, you just said 'shagging.' I feel like we should take a moment to silently applaud you for swearing."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Eighteen months is a long time to be cheating on your boyfriend. Why couldn't she just tell you that she didn't love you any more and finish with you like a normal person?"

"Because she's Arabella Foster-Banning. She doesn't do normal."

"Her name is a mouthful, but it still doesn't answer my question. You do understand that she simply used your brother, don't you?"