Perfect Redemption

Twenty Nine: In Which She May Not Make It Out Alive

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We're ready to strike four hours before midnight.

    Both Jax and I are already on our way to Teddy Well's house, by foot of course. It's dark outside—too dark. The streetlights around this area are constantly flickering, adding to the gloominess of the area. I have to suppress a cold shudder as we make our way down the road.

    I don't mind the dark too much. Hell, I embraced it for a long time when I was on the streets. The darkness was my only companion when I had no one.

    I used to be afraid of the shadows and now because of the shit that I had to go through, I have become one.

    Now that I think about it, it's sounds depressing and oddly to me, it isn't. I learnt to be stronger, faster, bolder and braver. I learnt to trust my instincts and look after myself. I learnt that the only way to survive in this world was to take it.

    And take it I will.

    I am this close to getting Eden all to myself. I may have Jax in my life to fill the emptiness in my life but I don't feel fulfilled, complete without my baby brother. He has been all I ever had when I lost everything. And I want him to be part of this new life that I'm starting with Jax.

    And I can only do that after tonight.

    I know that I'm very close to having everything that I ever wanted. I wish I could feel it between my fingertips but instead

    I feel like it's going to slip through them instead.

    I can't shake off this bad feeling that something's going to go wrong. It's been gnawing at me for the past few days and I can't seem to make it go away. It's slowly eating away all of my sanity and I can't seem to hold on much longer.

     Even Jax knows something is up with me. I haven't been the most cheerful person in the world these days—because I'm usually indifferent most times—and my boyfriend is definitely taking notice of it.

    I tell him I'm okay though. I tell him that everything's okay. Everything is going to be fine.

    He doesn't believe me one bit. But he doesn't tell me that. He pretends to be oblivious to my forced smiles and ugly lies. And for once, I'm grateful for it.

    I'm not going to let this bad feeling deteriorate me from getting what I want. I need to force myself to push those feelings aside so I'll be able to focus on this instead.

    Because this

    This is everything.

******

    It's a fifteen minute walk from here so I didn't bother calling Ben to pick us up.

    Jax, on the other hand, doesn't feel as strongly as I do about walking though. He's been muttering a plethora of curse words ever since we got out of the house. He lets out another long, exaggerated breath as we make our way down the road.

    "Remind me again why we didn't take the van that Ben said he was going to be holed up in?" He groans.  "It could have saved us a lot of energy."

    "Because I don't roll that way," I say, pulling Jax's hoodie over my body, then sliding into the sleeves and then looping my head through. "And a little bit of walking doesn't hurt, you know. You're just a lazy motherfucker."