Perfect Redemption

Thirty: In Which She Loves Him Goodbye

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Dedicated to ThatReeader because she's an amazing person and I love her <3

[ B L A I R E ' S P O V ]

We stay huddled together for the next three hours in the shadows.

    I had been hell bent on getting out of the bushes the second that they're gone but Jax had convinced me to stay a little longer for the fear of coming across patrols on the way out.

    We weren't sure if it was safe enough to walk on the streets without getting caught and I didn't want to risk anything anymore after what happened with Ben so I obliged Jax, allowing him to wrap his arms around me in a tight embrace as the both of us waited. And waited. And waited.

    And boy, the wait was torturous.

    I could feel the shadows whispering to me, luring and manipulating me. Due to my exhaustion, I  had no choice but to listen, succumbing to them. I could almost hear their voices as they whispered to me over and over again that this is all your fault. You've ruined everything. This is all your fucking fault.

    I keep telling myself not to listen to the voices in my head. I keep telling myself that I'm going to get out of this, I'm going to get everyone out of this, but I know deep inside that I'm hopeless.

    I don't know what to do anymore. I had a plan. I had my whole life planned. But now, the road ahead looks blurry and fuzzy. Everything that could possibly go wrong has gone wrong and I have no one to blame but myself.

    That's right, crooned the voices in my head. You should take all the blame. Ben is in police custody because of you. Jax can't do anything to protect you anymore. The police are right now gunning for your ass and it won't be long until you're caught too.

    I close my eyes and shake my head. Guilt that I have been trying to suppress these past few hours begins to pool in the deepest part of my body. I've been trying to avoid the truth for so long now but reality finally sinks in, causing bile to rise up my throat. This is my fault. All the crimes that I've committed, all the robberies I've conducted with Ben and all the times that I've ever gotten away with them... it has led me to this. Ben getting arrested. Police tearing the streets trying to look for me. And me outrunning and hiding from them like a fucking coward.

    I am. A coward. I did what I know best and I fled. I ran without a second's thought when those officers caught me because the thought of going to jail terrified the living shit out of me. And when I got away from them, I thought I would be happy.

    But... I'm not.

    I'm fucking miserable.

    Ben is still in police custody and it's not too long until he's forced to spill the beans about me. It's then that I have too options: get out of LA and try to outrun the law or turn myself in.

    I don't know which option to choose.

I'm afraid of which option to choose.

    Because either way, I'll lose.

    Either way, I'll be hurting the people I love.

    "Hey," Jax says, cutting me off from my thoughts. His thumb strokes my cheek, his eyes meeting mine. "Hey, the coast is clear. We should get going."

    I can only manage a small nod.    "Okay."

    We wait for a few seconds to pass, and then Jax helps me up and we start moving. Despite the fact that the roads are empty and I don't see any police cars in view, I still don't feel safe at all. If anything, I'm fucking terrified.