Bullied by Tubbs (A Neko Atsume fanfiction)

Fred; the Lady Killer

This one was requested by @_paigedro_ so thank you from requesting something. Now the main character in here IS Fred, but of course Tubbs will be in here.
P.S any offensive comment IS A JOKE OKAY?
Fred knew it was wrong, it was common sense. But he had to use women to fulfill is selfish needs, like every playa. The one thing he did not enjoy however, was the aftermath when they complained about how they "were the perfect couple" or "meant to be", so he took matters into his own hands. Again he knew this was wrong, but at the same time so right.
*****three weeks earlier******
Fred was just cruising the streets, minding his own business when BAM a book fell out of the air next him. Now I don't know about you, but if a magical book fell out of the air next to me, I'd be curious and pick it up. And that exactly what Fred did. Unfortunately for him though, this was written in Japanese.
"WHAT THE HELL" he screamed aimlessly. "DAMN IT I CANT READ THIS SHIT." He was about to give up when he suddenly remembered something; he knew how to summon a Japanese person. He quickly pulled a piece of chalk out of his fur coat, and drew a pentagon. Inside this pentagon, he put some anime fan art, manga, and other shit. Hopefully he didn't accidentally summon a nerd, he always seemed to get those two confused. As he waited, he took a look at the book. It had a black cover, and looked pretty worn.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT PEASANT" screamed a Japanese hamster, clearly annoyed.
"What does this book say?" Fred asked, pointing to the book on the ground.
The hamster stayed quiet for a few moments, looking at the cat like he was crazy.
"RACIST BASTARD" The hamster screamed psychotically. "But it says death note, dumb ass. It's in English you stupid piece of shit."
And with that the hamster ran away. Fred picked up the death note and began reading, intrigued by the rules.
****present time*****
And with that, he just got rid of the annoying female cats. After he was done with them, he would simply write their name in the book and POOF, they are gone. Now Fred was so used to this, that he forgot murder was wrong. Soon a female cat approached him, wearing sunglasses and a big coat.
"Hey sexy thang" the cat whispered in a suggestive like tone.
"RAPE" Fred screamed, running into a tree.
"Uh are you okay?" The mysterious cat whispered to Fred, as he leaned down to help him.
"GO- GET AWAY FROM ME YOU PERVERT" Fred yelled, trying to get away.
"It's okay I'm just here to help" the at said, putting lipstick on.
"Why are you wearing lipstick??? We are cats you ass" Fred rudely criticized.
While he was trying to distract the cat, he pulled his journal out of his pockets which he somehow has. As he shakily opened it, he realized something vital; he didn't know her name.
"So uh... What's your name?" Fred asked, his inner playa coming back.
"You can call me sugar honey lamb chop bundle of joy" she said over enthusiastically,
"But others call me...TUBBS" and with that sh- HE ripped of the glasses and coat and just sat there.
"Crap"
"Why won't you love me lady killer?" Tubbs asked confused.
"Haha quite literally too, #getrekt such savage, omg can't even like rarest of pepes 2k16"
"And yet I'm the asshole..." Tubbs said mildly offended that someone took his throne.
With that, he knew Fred must be stopped. He walked up to him, not breaking eye contact and stopped when he was right next to him.
"GET YOUR SLOBBERING MOUTH OFF ME YOU CREEP" Fred yelled as he pulled his arm out of Tubbs mouth; the death note gone.
"AGHHHHHH"
The end... Whatever the hell that even was. That was definitely one of the weirdest things I've written. Yes I've been watching too much death note lately, no I don't own it AND NEITHER DOES FRED. He never did see his shinigami...
ANYWAYS like usual if you have any suggestions comment them and I will try not to fuck them up like this one... Sorry