CLARKE'S POV
I hugged my knees, protecting myself from the frigid air. The feeling inside my chest felt like an explosion filled with guilt and affection. It wasn't a great mix.
I looked up at Lexa who still stood, taking in the situation.
"Lexa, I didn't mea-"
"Just stop Clarke" She said, cutting me off.
"You have done the same to me. You can't be mad." I defended.
"Clarke" She started, walking towards me, crouching down to look me in the eye. "When we were on Mt.Weather, I left to protect my people. And I know that's what you just did but you knew I was going to die. I knew you weren't going to. I'm not mad either...I'm just taken aback."
"What would you have done?" I asked, feeling ashamed.
"I might have done the same. Look Clarke, I'm really not mad. I promise. I just didn't think you would have made that decision" She said, taking my hand.
"When I left you there on Mt.Weather, I was already in love with you. Leaving you, I could bare to know that you would hate me."
"Why are you telling me this?" I asked.
"If you think that I hate you, I don't. When I did leave you, like I said, I thought I could bare the fact that you hated me. But as the 3 months went by, everyday I just wanted to know how you felt about me. I could barely live with myself."
"You never told me this. You could have just asked how I felt. I mean I know I acted like I was angry with you but there were other feelings."
"I didn't want to know." She said, sadness flashing across her eyes.
"Lexa, I love you" I admitted, holding my hand to her cheek.
She turned away and looked down at the ground.
"Indra was not wrong Clarke. I can't think the same about us. I don't hate you Clarke...I just lost something apart of this that can't be replaced."
"You don't mean that. I mean you can't mean that Lexa...not after everything."
"I'm sorry Clarke" Lexa said, slowly getting up.
"No Lexa. Please don't this to me. Not again." I said, quickly getting up and grabbing her hand.
"Goodbye Clarke"
2 DAYS LATER
I sat at the dining table unable to touch the fresh chicken and berries. Every second Lexa's words repeated in my head...over and over again.
"Indra was not wrong Clarke. I can't think the same about us. I don't hate you Clarke...I just lost something apart of this that can't be replaced."
I felt sick to my stomach.
I stirred around the berries on my tin plate and pushed them to the side, then the middle again.
"Don't play with your food Clarke." My mom said from across the table.
I stood up abruptly and slammed my fork onto the table.
"Clarke!" She shot at me.
"Can I please be excused?" I asked in annoyance.
I watched her get up from her seat from across the table and walk up to me.
"Sit down Clarke" She said, motioning for my chair.
She knelt down and placed her hand on my cheek.
"Clarke, you need to be strong. I know you've lost something important to you but you can't be weak. Don't let love be the weakness. Not now."
"I don't want to be strong. I'm always expected to be this honorable figure but I can't take it anymore Mom."
"Clarke, Listen to me. This isn't how the rest of your life is going to be. When Finn died you managed to pull yourself together, didn't you? I know you can do the same."
"I fell in love with her mom" I admitted, tears falling down my cheeks once again.
"I know. You can get through this though."
"I don't want to love anyone else" I said, tears falling down harder.
She took me in an embrace, rocking me back and forth.
"Shhhh, it's going to be okay Clarke. Just forget about her for a few minutes."
"I don't want to"
