CLARKE'S POV
The first three days hurt more than anything else. I didn't touch my food, I didn't want to talk to anyone, and I felt hopeless. After a week went by, I started to gain an appetite, I still didn't want any company, but I began to feel very numb towards my emotions. Now it's at two weeks. I took back my leadership, I'm starting to think straighter, and the numbness that was bubbled up in my chest has now spread through my whole body. The impact one person can make on you is truly amazing.
"Clarke, we're making a group to go gather food for the next week. You should come. It would be good for you." Raven said, making her way into my tent.
"It would be good for me?" I asked in harsh tone. "You think I'm weak... don't you?"
"No of course not. Bellamy is worried Clarke. You haven't talked to him for two weeks. That's all. Come if you want. We leave in 10." She said gently, exiting the tent to avoid a further fight.
Everyone thinks so little of me...almost like I'd break if they said the wrong thing. Lexa may of meant a great significance to me but I am strong. As long as I keep my head up, I don't need to drown my head in thoughts.
I wonder where she is. I wonder if she's safe with another clan. I wonder if she's thinking about me. Maybe she really meant what she said.
I shook my head and got up quickly from the large chair, grabbing my knife. Maybe hunting would be good for me.
-------
The forest was especially beautiful today. The sunlight sent rays of light streaming through the leaves that hung high in the sky. Many animals were out, scurrying around to collect food. It was a perfect day to hunt.
"Thank you for coming" Bellamy said, disturbing my concentration on a small squirrel that was perched on a log.
"Ugh Bellamy! I almost had it" I snapped, shoving him lightly.
"Sorry...have mine" He offered, handing me a string hung with about 6 birds.
"I don't want them" I whispered, nudging them away.
"How are you?" He asked after a long moment. His words almost sent me insane.
"Can people stop asking me that?! I'm fine. Okay? I don't need people thinking that I'm weak when I'm not!"
"Stop saying that to yourself Clarke. It's getting old."
"What do you want me to say then?" I asked, starting to feel very angry with him. "I'm not okay? I'm destroyed on the inside? I'm hopeless? Forget it Bellamy! For once I'm starting to feel myself again. Don't you dare take that away from me."
"If you're so okay then explain why you're so angry."
I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. It's like my whole throat dried up within a span of 5 seconds. I swallowed hard and glared into his eyes.
"I'm not angry Bellamy" Was all I could manage out.
I watched him sit down on a large rock and gesture for me to sit beside him.
"Clarke, nobody gets over someone they love in 2 weeks."
"People are telling me I'll get better. Bellamy, I don't think that's possible." I admitted, feeling hot tears slide down my cheek.
"Sometimes getting over people takes a couple days. For others weeks, months, maybe even years. No matter how much you do say that you got over someone, if you really loved them, they will always be in your heart. What you have to learn is that, you can't expect to wake up one morning feeling free of her. You have to learn how to work with those emotions."
"I don't think I can do that."
"Of course you can Clarke"
"It's suffocating me. It's not just a feeling in my heart, it's a massive weight that's sitting on my chest."
He pulled me into his arms and continued to coo me. My head ached with pain and I felt myself slowly sink into the hole I was previously in a week ago. Anger felt 1000x better than this.
"Step 1 of dealing with this: Find something to take your mind off it." Bellamy said, getting up and handing me his bow. "Time to hunt"
