The Senator And The Jedi

Chapter Sixteen: Stolen Kisses

|| THIS IS A WARNING FROM THE CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD OF CRAZY LUXSOKA FANFIC WRITERS, Ms Sharron Kennith. PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS ANGSTY MOMENTS THAT MAY OR MAY NOT PROVOKE SERIOUS OUTBREAKS OF FEELS. THANK YOU. ||

Ahsoka

Ahsoka took a deep breath as Lux slid partway from his cocoon of sheets to listen. She hadn't even bothered to notice how funny he looked – she was too wrapped up in her own thoughts to wonder why he was wrapped up in blankets.

"I thought long and hard about how I was going to word this, Lux. But, now that I'm here... All the words are just gone." She turned her gaze to the ceiling for a moment, sighing exasperatedly at her lack of emotional control.

"Well, start from the beginning, then," he told her levelly.

But whatever calmness his voice had given her was immediately flushed away when she realized he wasn't wearing a shirt.

Force, why does it have to be like this? Her conscience wailed. Why can't I just learn to let him go, why can't he stop being so wonderful and lovely and perfect, why?

"We... we can't keep doing this, Lux."

"What do you mean?" Lux asked, but there was a new seriousness to his tone that meant that he didn't like where she was going.

"I mean... I can't do this. It's wrong for a Jedi to be as attached as I am, and... It's wrong for a Senator to be on such terms with someone of a lesser class." She closed her eyes for a moment. A part of her wished she could keep them closed forever, because she didn't know what she would find when she opened them again.

"You... What are you saying?" he whispered in quiet disbelief, sitting up. She forced herself to look away. She knew she wouldn't be able to take what she saw buried in his grey-blue-green orbs if their eyes just happened to meet.

"Last night was wrong. All the stolen kisses were just wrong. This isn't how it's supposed to be, Lux. I believe in attachment, and you believe in putting the wants and needs of others above your own. We're both forbidden from being selfish... And putting giving more importance to one person than to many is something we've both sworn not to do."

"Ahsoka–"

"No. We can't be friends anymore, Lux." He tried to cut in again, but she carried on before he could speak. "We can't be... anything anymore. Not friends, not close friends, and not... And not sweethearts."

She cringed when she felt the last bits of hope Lux had been clinging to sink like stones.

He exhaled heavily, looking down. She watched as he ran the fingers on one hand slowly through his hair for a moment, before the sheer amount of emotion playing across his face forced her to look away.

"Ahsoka–"

"Lux, please... Don't make this any harder." She took a shaky breath. "I... I don't even know what to say anymore, I–"

And suddenly his fingertips tilted her chin up and his lips were on hers. For a few seconds, without thinking, Ahsoka let herself lean in, kissing him back. But then reality kicked in and she forced herself away.

"No, I..." She scrambled to her feet. "You... We... I can't."

"I'm sorry, I... don't know what I was thinking," Lux said, his eyes wide. But he was too late to catch her as she made a break for the door. "No, Ahsoka, wait!"

But she never stopped running.

About an hour later, Ahsoka found herself curled up in a ball on steps leading up to the terrace from the waterways, crying her eyes out. Her tears were inconsolable, and as those she had wiped away had been immediately replaced with three more, she had given up and just let herself cry.