One Last Whisper [c.g]

[17]

I sit up and shuffle off of Carl.
He sits beside me, sussing out whether or not I was okay.
"Y/n...I don't know what to say" He whispers.
I look at the ceiling. At the oblivion.
"Then don't" I say. "Just...be there for me...okay?" I whisper.
Carl wraps his arm around me.
"Let's go for a walk".
We stand up and link arms, slowly walking down Block B. I hear soft whimpering from Hockey's cell. As I pass, I see Sissy sitting on the floor by his bed.
"Sis" I say. Sissy looks at me sympathetically, the hurt in her eyes, the tear streaming down her face.
I let go of Carl and sit by her side. I give her a big hug and cries into my chest.
I stroke her soft blonde hair.
"It's okay Sis," I cry. "He's in a better place"
I need to mourn.
Sissy looks at me.
"I just keep thinking about it...about him. Why'd he do it? Why'd he pull the trigger on himself?" She presses her lips into a thin line. "Y/n...Could you please visit his grave with me?" Sissy sniffles. I smile a hopeful smile and brush the hair out of Sissy's face with my hand.
"I will be right by your side Sissy." I whisper.
"You're my sister" I tell her, helping her up. I dust myself off. Carl gives me a hug.
"You okay?" he asks. I peck his check.
"Yeah... I just... need to be with Sissy right now" I sigh. It kills me to say this to Carl, I know he hasn't done anything wrong, but I need to be there for my sister. My best friend.
Carl nods. "If you need anything you know where I am" he gives me one last hug and Sissy and I make our way to Hockey's grave. Hand in hand.
Sissy is sniffling.
"How is Ron?" I ask. Sissy frowns.
"He acted like nothing was wrong. He's put this wall up and he acts like nothing hurts him" Sissy sighs. "He's just as broken as we are, deep down"

We enter the area where Hockey was buried.
Sissy and I kneel down by his grave.
"He was so young" Sissy cries. "I just don't understand why he could do something like this"
I look at Sissy, so upset about Hockey. A wave of guilt washes over me.
"I do" I say. "It was all my fault" I cry. Sissy enlargens her eyes.
"What do you mean?" Sissy questions.
"He did something. Something so wrong: just to keep me safe. I lashed out on him. I made him feel horrible and...now...this has happened" I cry. I start crying hard this time. I lean over his grave.
"I'm so so so sorry Hockey" I whimper.
I can't even look at myself, because like Hockey had said in my dreams:
It was all my fault.

Me and Sissy greive over Hockey's grave for a while, then we put on brave faces and go our seperate ways.
I walk around to the main part of the prison where everyone is fussing about the ventilin. I gasp. I almost forgot, the bag.
If I don't go back for the bag of ventilin then someone else might die...
and I'll be damned If I let myself get even more blood on my hands.
I rush to the lady
"Hey, I know where the ventilin is, I can get you some" I say. I feel as if I owe it to her after all that i've done.
If I die, will it really matter? I'm a bad person, this world needs less bad people.
I run to my cell and grab my stuff.
I'll get the ventilin myself.

I wait until everyone is ocupied and away from the fence when I sneak out.
I walk through the forest, I try to not look at the trees, I don't want to spot the tree that Hockey died at. I try my best to mesmerise the way I went with Carl.

Sooner or later I am at the pharmacy. It's up to me now to trace the steps of where we were running before. I push back the board in the pharmacy and slide down by the counter like me and Carl had done.
I look at the ceiling.
"Hockey...I can't do this" I cry. "I can't run from myself because of your mistake". I whisper.
I feel guilty as hell, I feel angry as well.
"I don't know why I feel so guilty... I didn't hold that gun to your head..." I wipe my tears away. Then I hit my forehead with my palm twice.
"I'm so dumb" I hiss.
I walk around the pharmacy. Then, around the board where I came in I can hear the squeek of footsteps.
"Yeah..we bunk here and then we can see the prison tommorow...gotta save all our energy huh?" a man says. I look over the aisle at the four big and bulky men standing at the front of the pharmacy.
I curse to myself.

I try to make my way towards the back of the pharmacy without making a sound.
At the back I can see a door. I push lightly and it swings open.
I step outside and gently close the door behind me. I look in front of me when suddenly I bash into a hard object.
"Jesus Christ!" I curse, falling to the ground. I look up and see a familiar sheriffs hat.
"Y/n! I knew you would be here!" Carl says as he wraps me in his arms. I lead him away from the pharmacy. I look at him, seeing that he has already collected the bag of medical supplies himself.
When we are further from the pharmacy I talk to him.
"There were men in the pharmacy!" I say, scared out of my mind.
"I know" Carl says. Then I feel myself be grabbed back. I feel thick grubby fingers press against my mouth so I can't scream. Carl raises his gun. It's not a walker seeing as it hasn't sunken its teeth in my shoulder yet.
"Get em" a thick raspy deep voice bellows. A man grabs Carl by the arms.
"Who the hell are you?!" Carl struggles. I can't really hear it too well, but what I do hear, sounds a lot like:
"Your worst nightmare"