Left Alone - by Ivy

Chapter 11 - Hideaway

    It got a bit awkward so I decided to change the subject. "I've noticed that everything seems to be named after a part of the game of chess." "Yes it is. I guess you don't have to be super observant to figure that one out." Charles responded as we laughed a bit. "I don't really know why. I know it doesn't help at all but it was just kind of my dad's idea." We all kind of sat silently after that. As we ate, I started to think. Abella and Charles, Alec and Fleurette, and then there's me. It seems like nobody knows how it feels to be lonely in a group of people. The silence is deafening. It's like I'm here, but I'm not. I try to listen to their conversations, but it gets to be too much. Words are weird. They're directed to everyone else but me. Sometimes people want me to talk, but when I do I feel worthless. I feel like I did back when I was thirteen. Walking through school with people pointing at my face and laughing. Walking over to sit at a lunch table and being shunned. The silence is deafening.

I came into this thinking that maybe Alec liked me, but he's moved on. Maybe it's for a good reason. We talked a bit more at lunch. Soon I realized that we were going to have to go back to the house. Roi d'echecs told us that there was no other hotels in the village. I couldn't let Abella go back there. She would surely get a beating for leaving the house for so long. We decided to go back to the orphanage to ask Fleurette if she could stay the night there. As we walked, I felt weird. Or maybe I was scared. I had no idea what was about to happen, but I felt uneasy.

I realize now that I've been living my whole life in a shell. I have always had people there to put up boundaries around me and shield me from the negativity. I realize now that no mean words are worth giving up your childhood. My safety was never at risk. Abella's however actually was. We walked back to the orphanage to find Fleurette sitting on the step using a pen and notepad. "Hi again." I said. "Oh, bonjour." She replied. "Can I help you?" "This is slightly embarrassing but can Abella stay the night here? It's a really long story that we can tell you over dinner." I said. "Alright but were getting the new shipment of orphans tomorrow." She said. Wow, that took me aback. She said it very normally not stopping to wonder how weird that sounded. I saw Alec give a little wave to Fleurette. Great Alec, I thought we weren't planning on staying much longer.

I realized later that Roi d'echecs was going to find her some way or another so she needed a lookout. I volunteered. It was kind of uneventful but beautiful. The last time I looked at the stars like this I thought I was being rescued but I have decided that's not what happened. I was provided shelter and food but I wasn't provided safety. We had dug ourselves deeper and now we may have to get ourselves all the way out.

Fleurette gave each of us a cup of hot chocolate and a sleeping bag. She lit the fire and tried to make things as pleasant as they could be. She knew Abella as a kid and knew where she went to work. She seemed worried but I sense that we all were. I didn't even know what I was going to do if Roi came in. I tried to put it in the back of my head while I sat by the window, looking for patterns in the stars. I'd been trying to entertain myself for hours while Abella and Fleurette slept by the sparkling fire. It was a beautiful night. No it was more than that. It always is when you feel something you haven't felt in a while. In that moment, I felt useful.