The Journey of a Muslimah

Chapter 17

*Edited*
*Adam's pov*
I sat in the masjid for the rest of the day. Watching brothers coming in and then leaving. Some were praying and others reading Quran. I thought about Sarah. I know that I should accept the fact that she's getting married to another man. But I can't. I have this feeling in my heart that is telling me all this isn't right. That Sarah getting married to this cousin of hers isn't going to do her any good. I have to talk to her.

I prayed the last prayer of the day, Isha, and headed out of the masjid. Staying in the masjid really helped calm down my mind and my soul. Alhamdulillah.

I went back home and as soon as I opened the door I was tackled by someone. "Ummi? What are you doing?" I questioned her while trying to get out of her strong embrace. Honestly she was so strong my bones felt like they were being crushed. "What am I doing? WHAT AM I DOING? Is that even a question to ask me?!?" She started yelling. I was so confused on what was happening. "You leave the house for Zuhr and you don't come back until after Isha! You didn't even call me and tell me where you were. I was so worried. I tried calling you but found your phone in your room. Ya habibi! Alhamdulillah you are okay." She said all in one breath with tears in her eyes. I wiped away her tears and gave her a warm hug.

"I'm sorry Ummi. I should have called you and informed you of where I was. I was at the masjid all day. I needed to calm myself down and sort out my thoughts. Sorry." She broke the hug and smacked my arm playfully. "I forgive you my little honey bunny." "Honey bunny? What's that?" I said looking at her as if she grew a second head. She started to laugh. "That was your nickname when you were a little child. Whenever you would do something wrong, you would always come and say sorry to me, just like this. And I would respond by calling you honey bunny. That's basically how you knew I forgave you."

I looked at her with my head tilted to the right squinting my eyes at her. "What? Okay... That's weird. But since you're my mother, I accept it." She chuckled and walked away. That's when I noticed she was wearing and apron and had a stirring spoon in her hand. I shook my head and walked up to my room.

I ran into the bathroom and took a long shower. After my shower I came out and wore some random cloths and hopped into bed. I was extremely tired and all I wanted was sleep. Tomorrow I'm going to talk to Sarah. I'm going to find out what's going on. And with that final thought I closed my eyes and fell into a deep slumber.
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I woke up in the morning and stepped out of my bed into my balcony. I love just sitting there for some time, just looking at the busy city before me. It's starting to get cold and the leaves have changed color. Autumn is here but the city's still the same. There's fallen leaves on the ground here and there. Adults are running to get to work and kids are running to get to school. Everyone is busy in their life. I wonder sometimes how everyone has their own life. Their own problems to worry about. Their own happiness to celebrate. All we see is their outside appearance. We never truly know what's going on in someone's mind. Even if we think we know them, in reality we don't. Sometimes the person themselves don't know about what's happening inside their minds. The only true knower is Allah. Even if you don't believe in Allah, may Allah protect us from such a day, He still know what's happening. He will always be there no matter what. He will always forgive if you truly repent.

"Allah will pardon them. Allah is Ever-Pardoning, Ever-Forgiving." (Surat An-Nisa, 99)

It took me sometime to realize this. As a young child and a teenager, I never really believed that Allah cared about me. I knew He was always there, watching what was happening, but I just thought he didn't care about it. I was wrong. Allah is the only one who truly cares.

Growing up, I was always bullied for the way I looked. I had crazy messy hair that was impossible to tame, geeky glasses and braced that covered my teeth. I also wasn't able to dress all fancy like some of the other kids. Growing up in poverty didn't really allow you to have much cloths. But my appearance wasn't the only reason I was bullied. I was also bullied because of my father. Before I moved to NYC, I used to live in a small town down south. It had a population of 800 people and everyone basically knew each other. My parents lived in that town for 10 years of their life, so the whole town knew them. Although it seems cool to have such a small town that everyone knew each other, there are severe cons to it as well. One being that everyone knew each others business. Word spread like wild fire in that town. So if something happens in one house, the whole town would know by the next day.