Not Just One Night

Chapter 22

Camila's POV

Ally suggested that I get some sleep. Taking her advice, I crawled into bed a few minutes later, ignoring the constant ringing of my phone. I knew it was Lauren, and there was a pang of guilt lying dormant in my stomach for not answering after her confession. It felt like our situation was on a loop of getting back together, then pushing the other away, and I absolutely hate that it's me who's ignoring her now, but I don't know what to say.

I'd give anything to confidently answer the phone and admit that I want her. That I want something permanent with her but I know the second I speak, she'll hear the vulnerability in my voice. It'll crack on an important word and she'll know that something's wrong. And she'll probably think it is all to do with her and her previous inability to risk a relationship but when in all honesty, it's everything to do with me and the shitty situation that I find myself in.

I don't want to drag her into something that I'm not sure I can fix. Especially now, with Dinah trying to disassociate herself from that night.

God, she's so frustrating.

Of course she would lie.

Of course she would try to keep herself afloat while she leaves me in the deep end, drowning. I was with her for three years, and she's fully aware that I've got so much more to lose than she does, but she's still willing to risk that. I'm convinced that she never really cared about me. If she had, would I even be in this mess?

Ugh, I groan.

That's why I can't call Lauren now. I'm far too reflective to pretend like everything is okay. So I decide to wait through the night, until my head is clear, and if I wake up in the morning with the least bit of nerve, I'll call her. I'll ask her to meet me and I'll tell her the truth, and from there I'll let her dictate how things go because once she knows that I'm facing legal trouble, and potentially being deported at the end of my senior year of college, she might want nothing to do with me.

But I really wouldn't blame her.

With bloodshot and swollen eyes, I force them shut and tug the sheets up around my neck, convincing myself to dispel all thoughts of Dinah, the appointment today with my lawyer, and anything else that may turn me into an insomniac tonight. And just when my mind is clear, I get a faint hint of Vanilla on my sheets, reminding me that just last night Lauren was here, and it's hours before I fall asleep and even fewer when I wake back up.

It's 6:15 the following morning, and I'm not sure why there's a heaviness to my chest and stomach. I'm lying on my back and I'm completely drowning in the smell of Vanilla each time that I take a breath.

I know that her scent wasn't that strong on my sheets, which could only mean one thing; Lauren is here. In my room. I force one eye open at a time, revealing the brunette's head against my chest, her arm curtaining my stomach and her leg thrown in between mine. She looks so peaceful and I hate myself for whispering sorry, out loud, even though I haven't even hurt her yet.

Her breathing is steady and for a while, I lay there playing with the ends of her unruly hair that's spread across my chest. I enjoy the moment for what it is. Holding Lauren before she knows who I really am. Before she knows about the trouble that I'm dealing with. I close my eyes and allow myself to imagine how she looked at me just yesterday, standing in her office, like she could absolutely explode with affection, because I know those eyes, even if only for a brief moment, won't look at me the same once I've told her the truth. They'll search mine, as if they don't even know me any longer and that thought alone is enough to force me to slip out from beneath her arm. I'm careful not to wake her as I tiptoe across the hardwood floor of my room, down the hall and into the kitchen where I find Ally sitting on a stool at the bar.