Internet Friends || Camren

Chapter 3 - Trying To Figure Myself Out

Yooo let's recap

About 20 minutes later, Ally comes back with Dinah and my phone. "Who's Camila? We read the entire conversation."

Nowww!

Lauren's P.O.V.

        I shuffle my feet and bite my lip. "Wait, wait!" I say angrily and grab my phone which was still on, showing my conversation with Camila. "How did you get my passcode?" I cross my arms while locking my phone. Ally and Dinah exchange looks before nodding and running away. Now I have to chase them down... Great. I groan and chase Ally down easily. "Tell me!" I say and kinda tackle her to the ground. "Never! Dinah help me!" Ally shouts from beneath me. Dinah just laughs and shakes her head, not wanting to get involved.

This goes on for a good half an hour before Ally sighs and can barely breathe. "You're hurting me!" Ally tries to push me off. I give her some room but still hold her down. "Fine! Fine! Dinah was looking at you type in your password it's all her fault!" Ally points directly at Dinah, who puts a hand on her chest acting hurt and offended. "Did not! You did!" Dinah shoots back and they pass the blame to each other for quite a while as I roll my eyes. "Damn it! Both of you shut up! You're giving me a headache." I say and the immediately stop talking but pout and glare at each other.

"You still didn't tell us who Camila is." Dinah says quietly.

"And I don't have to." I respond.

"But we're your friends." Ally chimes in.

"Friends do not snoop into the other friend's personal life." I say, defending myself.

"Because best friends usually don't have to snoop since best friends tell each other everything. Lauren, are you hiding something from us?" Dinah speaks up.

I sigh and look away, shaking my head softly but that was a complete lie. Lately I have been different around my friends, I've been moody all week and I haven't told anyone how i'm feeling. I honestly didn't know what was going on but something in me felt like it changed. Ally and Dinah look at me concerned and I could feel their eyes staring at my back as a silent tear rolls down my face. I quickly wipe it away and face them. "I-is there something wrong with me?" I ask softly and my voice breaks. "What do you mean? There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. You're a great person, Lauren. Actually, you're amazing." Ally says caringly as Dinah nods in agreement. "Really? It... It doesn't seem like it. I'm sorry for how I've been acting." I say and tears roll down my face rapidly now. "I know I haven't been acting like myself lately and i'm sorry." I sigh and sit at the dining table. Ally and Dinah sit beside me and rub my back.

"I-I don't know, something just feels different about me." I knew I wasn't acting like myself, I felt different.

"Maybe it's just your hormones. It's normal, don't worry you'll get over it." Dinah and Ally say.

I just nod and sigh, hoping they were right and that's where we ended the conversation since I wasn't really ready to talk about it and they knew I was feeling uncomfortable.

A COUPLE WEEKS LATER

        I was walking home with one of my new best friends, he name was Ashley and she was a lesbian. She was telling me the story about how she came out to her parents. I still always felt not myself, I thought these feelings would pass by since it's been weeks but nothing has changed. I didn't really listen to her since I was stuck in my head, my feelings were crazy and out of control, I had a huge migraine from overthinking and I was basically internally screaming I just felt so stressed these past days and I didn't feel the same anymore. I felt... different around people, especially girls. "So, Lauren. What about you?" She asks and I snap out of my thoughts. "Are you... bisexual? Sorry if it was an inappropriate question." She says quickly since I never really told her about my love life because I only met her a couple of weeks ago. I just laugh. "No, it's fine... I'm straight." I say nervously but didn't know why since when I told people that, I never felt uncomfortable. "I'm straight." I say again, trying to sound more confident but failed. I said this several times until Ashley stops me. "Um, Lauren... I heard you the first time." Ashley laughs softly and I realize that, too. I blush in embarrassment. "Sorry... I dunno, I think i'm sick my voice seems to be a little off I think." I  mumble. 

"Your voice seems fine to me." Ashley shrugs and we keep walking and talking until we finally reach my house. "Thanks for walking with me back, I guess i'll be going now." I say and walk in to my house. Ashley waves a goodbye and I also wave back until proceeding to walk into my house. I sigh and open the front door. I set my backpack on the ground and then make my way to the kitchen and take a snack out of the cupboard. I take a granola bar and tried to clear up my thoughts from today. I don't know why I've been acting so weird lately, it wasn't me ... it was very strange.  I feel my phone vibrate indicating that I had gotten a notification.

 It was Camila. I smile, Camila and I have somehow gotten really close to each other over these past weeks somehow and I tell her everything. She always listens to me and understands me so well like nobody else which made me feel happy I guess. I DM her back with a simple 'Hey' since Camila was just checking up on me to see how I  was doing. We chat for a bit until Camila had to leave, she told me she was going out with her friends so I obviously let er leave although I was a bit dissapointed since we didn't talk at all yesterday. I kept thinking and thinking and soon overthinked for hours but I was trapped in my head so I had no idea that so much time was passing and I had occasional moments when I forgot I was in reality since I was trying to figure myself out somehow, but I just couldn't. I screamed and had a small panic attack, why is this happening? It had never happened before, is there something wrong with me? What's wrong with me? Am I a freak? Does everyone hate me? I tried to figure myself out so much that I didn't even know who I was anymore and I just curled up, and cried for hours. I wanted to know what was wrong with me but I couldn't figure it out and that made me feel stressed, which made me overthink, which made me even more stressed, which got me to where I am now, mood swings and anger with hints of sadness because I didn't know who I was. I knew my body was changing and something in me changed that has never happened before, but what?

Okayyy so how was this chapter? Good? Bad? Okay? I dunno! Anyways, hope you enjoyed! Byeee :)