way back home // legolas

t e n

NINA

Dear Legolas,

I hope by the time you're reading this you are at your room, ready to sleep, drinking a cup of coffee. Please forgive me for not telling you sooner what I am about to say (or write per se) for reasons I will explain to you later. Please bear with me. This was also hard, and in order for it to be lifted from my shoulders, I will now tell you my story.

The man in the photo is Sergeant Landon Martin, or simply Landon to my father and me. He is my older brother, and your doppelgänger.

You're probably wondering where he is. He left before you even came. He died in service two years ago. He enlisted for the third time - I convinced him, because he so wanted to help people that he sacrificed his own life to save them. I pushed him to his death, Legolas. I killed my own brother.

He was my best friend, my confidante, my partner in crime. He was the older brother everyone would want to have. He understood everything about me, I know everything about him. We were happy, all of us including my mom, before. I was complete until - until he was shot five times on the chest and one in the head. It was brutal and it was painful. It was excruciating and it was weakening. I lost him - slowly, I lost everything as well.

Did I blamed myself? I did. But I was more angry with the world. What did I do for the world to hate me that much? My brother was dead, my mother left, my father was broken. I tried to mend my own broken pieces and guess what? You were the final piece. And for that, I thank you. You have freed me from my pain. You have made me realize that even if he's gone, he's still here - in my heart. You two are different - I thought you could be him. And I was wrong. I should have told you this sooner, but I don't want you to see me as a hopeless mortal (!!!) searching for dead answers. I wanted you to see me as a clean slate. As a complete stranger. I saw you for who you are, didn't I? And I hope, I really hope, you saw me for who I am.

Legolas, I thank you for the week I had spent with you. You don't know how grateful I am to finally find the gap between these shattered pieces - and you showed me the final move, you always do, don't you? - and for that, I say thank you but I know it is not enough. I do hope you stayed longer. I do hope I learned more about you. But soon, I know I'll see you again.

If ever I did not have the chance to say goodbye to you face to face, please don't take it seriously. I am just upset, that is all. Remember that I bid you safe travel home ahead, and wish you all the luck in the world. I will miss you.

Nina

•••

"Do you think he made it home safely?" I asked my father.

"Of course, honey. He's a soldier, isn't he?"

"But when he came here he felt weak. Maybe he fell ill right when he reached home."

"His guards will find him, Nins. They're expecting him, aren't they?"

"But-"

"You worry about him too much."

I sighed. "I didn't even said goodbye."

He kissed my forehead. "He'll understand. I know he will."