Every thing and Nothing

18: Bells

The bell echoes, signalling the next class. I heave myself up, make another joke and follow my fellow students out the class. My minds screaming at me, to take the chance, run to the bathroom. I feel suffocated in this big hall, trying to keep the smile on my face. I snap and run. I'm running fast. I hear the confused shouts of people behind me, but now I'm sprinting, lungs burning. I stop when I'm in a cubicle. Back against the locked door. I'm gasping for air and then I'm over the toilet seat, fingers down my throat. My hands are shaking as I use tissue to wipe my fingers clean from the bile. They are trembling as I bandage my wrists again. I'm sobbing, because I realise that I broke my promise to stop doing this at school. Then the bells echo again, signalling lunch. I quickly slam out the cubicle, clean up. Smile weakly at my reflection, only to have it scowl back. I grip my bag tight and walk out the door. A quick lie and smile thrown towards my 'friends' knock them off my scent. The smiles become achingly hard to pull off but a voice in my head tells me that I can go home soon, to restart this again. Locked up in my room, with no bells to tell me to stop. With no bells to echo warnings. And I can cry and scream until I'm passed out. Only to restart the nightmare again.

-Esha Dev