(This took a lot of courage to post)
This isn't a poem, this isn't a extract from my book. This is me crying for help. I can't sleep and when I do I can't get out of bed. I'm just so exhausted. Most of the day I have a headache or a queasy feeling. When I'm out I want to go home. When I'm at home I want to sleep. I'm always moody or sad or angry. I have days where I lock myself in my room and cry. I have days when I can't, physically and mentally, do anything but lie in my bed. I have days where talking exhausts me. I have days where smiling seems like trying to solve equations while reciting the periodic table. I have days where I'm just silent, like a shadow, trying to get the day to be quicker. Some days are spent being productive and happy. Some days I sing and smile. Other days I'm cry and listen. There are times when I'm mentally screaming or throwing up. Suddenly everything I say is assessed and reassessed. Every word I say is taken into consideration. I start shaking. I start pushing my nails deeper into my palms, trying to still my quivers. Some days I fake a smile. I laugh long enough to make it seem normal, but at home, I'm so exhausted I can't even eat. I'm not sure if this will ever be posted. But remember that what happens backstage is real life, not what is practiced and prepared for the stage.
-Esha Dev
YOU ARE READING
Every thing and Nothing
PoetryEvery thought and small parts of a book I'm writing:)
