ROOFTOP - finnick odair

chapter twelve

"the scar i can't reverse
when the more it heals
the worse it gets
gave you every piece of me
no wonder it's missing
don't know how to be so close to
someone so distant."

~

Caterina's POV:

Finnick calls my name from outside my door. He tries to open it but I quickly run over press the button so it stays shut.

"Damn it, Cat! You can't do this to yourself. You need at least somebody to help you."

I fight back tears. "I don't need anyone."

He laughs, the sound sending a piercing pain through my stomach. "Clearly you do."

I feel like someone could've punched me in the stomach and it would've hurt less than that. I let the door slide open.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that," Finnick stutters, his hand reaching out to grab mine but I quickly push it away.

"You can't help me," I say through gritted teeth. "Leave me alone, please."

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "You don't have to go through by yourself."

I don't respond.

A few weeks ago, my sister died. In the midst of all of it, I of course thought that relying on Finnick to piece me back together would work. Obviously it didn't. Nothing he said or did made me feel any better, so I realized that this is my own battle. And I don't want anyone being hurt in the process, or even worse, getting in my way.

"Shutting out the one person who cares about you the most won't get you anywhere," he says.

"You can't just forget about me like that," he adds, but his voice is quieter.

I avoid his eyes. "I never said anything about forgetting you."

"Then why am I being pushed out?" His voice is getting louder, which evidently makes me angrier so I start to yell too.

"I don't know how to tell you this. I know you mean well, Finnick, but sometimes there is nothing you can say to make me feel better. So maybe you should just leave me alone."

He shakes his head and shuts his eyes as if the words that came out of my mouth struck him like knives. "I'm not letting you go that easily."

"Well you're going to have to," I snap.

"So that's it? You don't want me anymore?"

I feel tears coming that can't be stopped. I'm not even sure if I have an answer to that question.

"You know how hard I'm trying for you. You know how hard this is for me." I say, growing frustrated.

"And you know how terrified I am of losing you. I know you think otherwise, Cat, but the worst thing you can do right now is isolate yourself."

"Do you even understand what I'm feeling right now? I worked so hard to rebuild myself after my parents died, after the first time I was sold, after the Games. I was finally back on my feet - maybe I was still unsteady, but I was on my feet. And then this- this just knocked me back down again. And all that time I spent trying to make myself whole again went down the drain because I'm back to where I started."

His hands are reaching out for me but I'm a million miles away.

"Then let me help you," he pleads.