ROOFTOP - finnick odair

chapter fourteen

"got me losing my breath
nobody got me the way that you did
had my eyes rolling back
had me arching my back
now you love me so good
i wish you would hurry up
and come back."

~

Caterina's POV:

My body feels like it's on fire. I look around, and there's a circle of shadows surrounding me. One of the shadows steps out, hovering over me. "You let her die," it says. It sounds like my father. "How could you?" Another one whispers. My mother, this time.

"It's all your fault!" A third one shouts, and I almost don't recognize my sister's voice that harsh. I try to speak but my throat is so immensely dry that I wince in pain. The other shadows behind them grow larger and they start to take shape - all of which I recognize from my Games. Their faces are drenched in blood; hot, thick, burning blood. One of them pulls a knife out of their chest. Another drops to the ground and crawls toward me, an open wound on their leg leaving a trail of blood behind him. Then they all burst into flames.

I wake up before I shrivel to ashes. I'm sure I shook the bed or maybe even let out a scream, because Finnick opens his eyes slowly.

"Everything alright?"

His voice is always comforting and nice to listen to, but not tonight. It's just noise. I can feel tears forming and it makes my eyes sting to hold them back.

"No," I whisper, and my voice doesn't even sound like my own anymore. I just want to be back home, I want to see Aria smile, I want to feel my mom's arms around me. I want myself to feel pure and free again, not scarred and restricted, like someone else is controlling me. Hot tears stain my cheeks, but I don't care at this point. Finnick's arms wrap around me tightly.

"Nightmare again?"

"Same one." I feel like screaming, yet my voice is merely a whisper. "Why am I getting worse?"

"Some days are worse than others and you know that, Cat."

"I know. I just... I feel like I can't do this for any longer."

"We both know you're strong enough to handle this. Okay? Don't give into it. One day it will be easier."

I look at him through my blurry vision, and I wish I could show him a smile, I wish I could lean in for a kiss and wrap my arms around his neck, but all I can do is sit and cry, like an idiot.

"I'm sorry," I say, shutting my eyes. "I'm sorry I can't give you anything. All I do is wake you up every night and complain about how much my life sucks. I really am trying, but I'm sorry for being such a mess."

His lips touch my forehead gently, his hands holding my face and his thumbs caressing my cheeks. "You aren't a mess. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"Please don't patronize me."

"Cat, look at me."

My eyes look down.

"Look at me," he says again, and I force them open to meet his gaze.

"I don't care if the only things you talk about are the bad things. I don't care if you don't even bother to acknowledge me some days. And I don't care if you wake up ten times in the middle of the night, or none - I'll be right there with you, okay?"