Tears, Goosebumps & Quivering

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I lived next to the Grand Mosque. I was living only an hour away from the holiest place in Islam for 22 years of my life. Whenever my mother would tell me to get ready we have to go to Makkah, I would find it as a monotonous routine. It was no special place for me probably I had been there since I was a baby. Friends and family from around the world would come for Umrah and Hajj and would also visit my home. I would hear their stories of how emotional they got seeing the Kaabah for the first time or how they had goose bumps. But I would just shrug and not ponder thinking I would never feel this way.

Oh, how wrong I was.

In 2011, I went back to Makkah after three years. This was the longest I hadn't been to the holy city. During this time, whenever I watched the live prayer on television I would have tears in my eyes thinking when I will go back. Sheikh Sudais's voice would bring emotions and I would always pray to go soon. Sheikh Sudais has been an Imam of Makkah since I was a child, through his voice I could relate to my childhood and for some reason felt at peace.

It was Ramadan 2011, when I reached Makkah. It was taraweeh time. As the car slowly moved forward in the heavy traffic of pilgrims and many kinds of vehicles, my anticipation increased. Miles away from the grand mosque there were large speaker systems set up for the Holy Month. Sheikh Sudais voice loudly filled the crowded streets. I told my brother to switch off the air condition as I lowered the window. In the severe hot summer, I didn't care, my eyes welled up as I heard his voice.

When finally I stepped out of the car and made my way through the countless people towards the main gates of the Grand Mosque, the dua was being recited after the taraweeh. By now my tears were running down my cheeks. Heart beat accelerated. My lips were quivering as I stepped into the Grand Mosque. I had goose bumps all over. My body shook with silent sobs. I couldn't stop. I just couldn't.

My brother saw me, he encircled his arm around my shoulders, silently supporting me. My eyes were downcast as I was walking on shaky legs when I finally lifted my eyes and gazed at the Kaabah. I wept and wept with only one prayer from my lips...

"Ya Allah I never cared and valued what this place signified and today when I am thousands of miles away I know what it is and what it stands for."

Many times we never realize the importance of something that is within our reach.

Once we are deprived of it, that is when we realize its importance.


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