A Broken Girl (1D AND Demi Lovato FANFIC)

Chapter 2 - Trash

I woke up shivering. I decided to skip school. I knew why I was shivering. Stupid drug. I sat up and felt someone in my bed. I screamed. Harry came running in and Zayn fell off the bed.
"What's wrong?!" Harry asked.
"Nothing! Zayn gave me a heart attack!"
"Sorry." Zayn said.
"It's ok." I shook my head. I was very confused. I grabbed my things and walked into the bathroom. I injected the drug and I felt much better. I got changed and put some make up on my cuts. I looked at my ankles, it wouldn't hurt to put some make up there too. I skipped cutting because well I didn't need to yet. I walked out of the bathroom. I started doing a bit of make up. I lit a cigarette and took a drag. I looked at my tattoo. It looked awesome! I walked downstairs, still with my cigarette. Leaving a trail of ash. Harry looked at me sadly.
"What?!" I snapped.
"Nothing." He sighed. "Want breakfast?"
"No. I don't eat breakfast."
"Ok. Want a lift to school?"
"No, I'm not going."
"Why not?!"
"Y'know when I came home yesterday? Yeah well I never went to any of my classes and I got bored and went home. Then you were here."
"You need to go to class."
"I do most of the time. But teachers hate me, I don't learn and I just get in trouble, so it's best if I don't go." I was fed up with Harry so I went up to my room and took my cigarettes and climbed onto the roof. I sat there looking at the world. It didn't look like there could be any pain there but there was. For me it was a world of pain. I thought of how easy it'd be to just jump off and see if I could fly. I know I can't but at least I'd be away from the world. I heard someone come up. I looked over in that direction. It was Zayn.
"What?!" I snapped.
"Nothing. Just came to join you of that's ok?"
"Yeah, whatever."
"Ok." I started smoking another cigarette. I'll get lung disease really quick if I smoke like this all the time. I looked over the edge a bit too much. I nearly fell. A girlish squeal came out of my mouth. I cringed a bit. Zayn held my arm and pulled me back up. He held my wrist and I tried not to wince at the pain of the touch in the cuts. I acted natural. "Thanks." I mumbled. I blew smoke in his face. He looked at me with raised eyebrows. I threw the butt of the cigarette over the edge. Zayn and I started talking. At first I tried to ignore him. But in the end I was having a conversation with him. It was alright. It wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. Zayn isn't too bad. I nearly forgot that I cut until I went downstairs and heard Harry talking about me.
"The girl doesn't know what she's doing! She thinks she's being all cool, she's acting depressed when shes not! She's acting like a depressed idiot! Mum and Dad are good parents, she's just acting like a brat! Not going to school, smoking, drinking, getting a tattoo and who knows what else?!"
Zayn stuck up for me. But I'll never forget what Harry said. I walked inside and pretended I didn't hear. "Styles." I murmured.
"Dawn?"
"Yes?"
"That's your new name right Si?"
"It is. I'm officially Dawn Lopez."
"Why not Dawn Styles?"
"I liked Sierra, it's not the first name that our parents were worried about. They didn't want me to be mobbed with fangirls. So I changed everything! But I guess I'm just acting like a depressed idiot?" Harry just looked at me with his mouth hanging open. I got up and walked out the front door. I started listening to my iPod. Demi Lovato (my idol) came on. I suppose it was on my Demi playlist but whatever. Yeah you'd think since I cut and all I'd be into rock and shit but no, I love Demi Lovato.

I'm loosing myself.
Trying to compete.
With everyone else.
Instead if just being me.

I don't wanna be afraid.
I wanna wake up feeling beautiful today.
And know that I'm ok.
Cause everyone's perfect in unusual ways.
- Believe In Me, Demi Lovato

I like her older stuff. I love her new stuff but they make me feel guilty about the fact I cut. Demi's been through it all. But I'm not a celebrity, I'm not strong. I'd never be able to come back like she did! So why bother trying? I walked to the park. I listened to everything Demi's released. Yes, I may be obsessed with her. Am I ashamed? Hell no!! The music was background for me. Then 'Fix A Heart' came on. The lyrics were true.

"Baby I just ran out of band aids
I don't even know where to start
Cause you can bandage the damage
You never really can fix a heart."
I loved the bit at the end.
"You never really can fix my heart." I loved how it just ended there. Like it's so dramatic. As long as Skyscraper didn't come on I was fine. I don't listen to Skyscraper too much. When I do, I break down and cry. The song was about overcoming obstacles. Demi overcoming cutting and depression. I would like to do that but it just wasn't gonna happen. I've tried, I don't like what I do to my body. But there's no other way. I try to stop but it's like my blade whispers to me. Telling me I need to cut myself, that I'm ugly, no one loves me, my parents don't even want to be around me; that's why they're always gone.
When I changed my name to Dawn I thought everything would change. That I'd be a new person and I wouldn't have my demons but that didn't happen. I hoped for too much. In fact during the year I became Dawn I lost more weight and had more scars. The fact that my brothers success was getting bigger and bigger. I was left on my own for longer and longer. It was easy to starve myself. No one was usually around to see if I ate or not. Even when they were here they didn't notice. No one notices that I become thinner, that I seem more depressed. No one has ever noticed my problems! Harry was always the favourite. He had the best voice, the better looks, the better everything! I was always just pushed to the side. Even when I was younger. Maybe that's where it all started. From being practically neglected as a child. I was always quite unhappy, even back then. Maybe I was just born to hurt myself and feel worthless. Tears came to my eyes while I was thinking about it. I walked back home. I smoked on the way. I decided I needed to stop with the drugs. It's not good for you.
Neither is starving or cutting yourself.
I thought about that and ignored that message from my brain. Maybe it did need to be numbed with drugs. I decided against it. If I got hooked too much I'd never be able to stop. I walked in and straight up to my room. I got rid of the drugs. They were expensive but it's not worth it. I'm not sorry that I took them, it was an experience. I walked down the stairs slowly. I heard everything that was going on. The boys were arguing over who should go up to me and talk to me. I walked into the room.
"None of you have to go up to me. I'm here and I don't really feel in the mood to have a gossip." I said while sitting on the sofa. Zayn smirked at me. I ignored it.
"What kind of music do you listen to?" Harry asked randomly.
"Demi Lovato."
"You obviously like her then?"
"Yeah. I love her! I love her strength, her music, everything."
"Cool. We know Demi."
"Good for you." I was fed up with him so I went up to my bedroom. I remembered what he said earlier. I went into my bathroom and started to cut.

I thought I heard something. But I continued to cut anyway. I was in the zone. I was trying not to think of how many scars I'd have after this. I tried not to think of how bad this was. But it felt good, satisfying.
LOUIS POV:
I crept into her room. She wasn't there, I heard noises from the bathroom. I peeked in to see. I saw Sierra or Dawn (I'm not sure who she is now!) cutting herself. Harry would be heartbroken or angry I'm not sure which. I decided to observe her for a few days before telling Harry.
DAWN/SIERRA POV:
I finished cutting and let all the blood seep out. It was splattered across the tiles on the floor. I wiped it up. Then I attended to my wrists. I cleaned the cuts and put make up on them.

"You need to get a grip Si!!!" Harry shouted at me.
"No I don't!! You do!!!" I screamed back.
"You're destroying yourself!!"
"It's my life!! Why do you care?!! You haven't been here for a year!! You don't know what goes on!! You don't know anything about me anymore!!"
"You're my little sister that's why I care!! I've been recording with the boys!! I do know what goes on!! I talk to Mum and Dad nearly everyday!"
"You don't talk to me!! I've hardly heard from you in a year!! I honestly don't care!! Talk to me or don't, it doesn't bother me!! But you need to know me before you can give a lecture!! You can't show up and act all big brotherly and caring!!! You don't really care!!"
"Yes I do!!!"
"I hate you!!!!!!! I want to be NOTHING like you! If I lived on the street it'd be better! Just leave me alone ok?!!!!" I stormed up to my room. I locked the door. I put on my music. I was just about to put the blade to my wrist when Skyscraper came on.
"Skies are crying
I am watching
Catching teardrops in my hands
Only silence as its ending
Like we never had a chance
Do you have to
Make me feel like
There's nothing left of me?
You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper!"
I listened and subconsciously stopped cutting. I tried to make myself do it but I couldn't. I skipped the song and tried to go back to cutting but I just kept hearing it in my head. It was almost like Demi was sitting beside me, singing that song to me and only me. I put my blade away and went to sleep.

But I woke up in the middle of the night. Hearing things, voices.