A Broken Girl (1D AND Demi Lovato FANFIC)

Chapter 6 - Shadow

Last night seemed to go on for ever. It was a really hard battle. My mind was screaming for the blade. But I knew I couldn't give in. Not just for me but for Demi and the boys. My parents probably wouldn't care. I hardly slept last night. It went on forever. It was horrible. I spent most of the night crying and fighting with myself. I listened to Demi's albums but they didn't help. I tried ringing them but they didn't answer. They were probably asleep. It was like 4am! Any sane person would be asleep. But not me. I decided to give in. I didn't hack my wrists I just pressed down once. Well maybe twice. I felt much better afterwards. I went asleep at 6. I was woken up at 9.30! To get breakfast then go to the gym, then to the multiple doctors, then lunch, then I was free for visitors. I met my fitness instructor after breakfast. He was nice enough. He obviously didn't care about why we were here, he was only focused on us doing the exercise. Which I liked, he didn't treat us like crazy people. I did it all quite quickly. It wasn't that hard for me. It wasn't that easy but not that hard!
"Good work Styles!" He called after me.
"Thanks!" I called back. After I showered and got dressed I went to see Sarah, my dietician.
"Ok. So you need to be eating something from all the food groups for each meal." She explained.
"I get that! I did Home Ec in school. I don't really know why I need to be here!"
"True. Just make sure you eat. I'll check in on you every week, make sure you've eaten. Then you can use this time as personal time. Except for Mondays when we'll meet. Deal?"
"Sure." I smiled and left. I was exhausted and it was only 11. At 11.15 I had to see the physiologist. I wasn't looking forward to it. I just walked around until it was time for that.
"Hi. I'm Amanda." She smiled, shaking my hand.
"I'm Sierra."
"It sucks being here right?"
"What?"
"I know you don't wanna be here! No one does! It's ok, you can admit it, you can say you hate it here! I don't mind!"
"Really?"
"Yeah. I know the reality of it! My parents sent me to rehab when I was 16. I know how it feels! They make it seem ok but it's like hell for the people recovering!"
"Why did you go to rehab?" I thought about what I just asked. "You don't have to answer that, sorry!"
"No it's fine. I'm glad you asked. I cut, had anorexia and depression. I the tried to make my feeling go away with alcohol and drugs."
"How long did it take?"
"Believe it or not the drugs were easier to stop than cutting. I could get over the anorexia. I could see why. But the cutting, I couldn't stop. It took me 2 and a half years before I actually tried my hardest. Then it took another year and a half."
"How long were you here for?"
"I stayed here for at least 3 years, maybe 4." I gulped. I didn't want to be here in 3 years. "I know what you're thinking. I don't want to be here in 3 years! I was just in denial. I would never admit I had a problem. That's what's bad."
"It sounds like me." I mumbled.
"It's not. You'll get over this. You'll be fine."
"Everyone's saying that."
"It's because it's true." I nodded slightly while we started talking a bit. It's not as bad as I thought it'd be. I just wasn't looking forward to deep and meaningful things. I can't talk about my feelings! It was lunch time but I wasn't hungry. I was forced to eat something. I felt sick afterwards but managed to keep it down. Demi and the boys came and I hugged them.
"I've missed you so much!" I cried.
"It's been weird without you sis."
"Is it ok here?" Lou asked.
"No it's like hell. I hate it!"
"No matter where you go it'll feel that way. The important thing is that you're ok and you're getting better." Demi smiled as she hugged me again.
"Last night felt like it went on forever. They treat me like I'm crazy! I'm not crazy!" I told them.
"We know you're not." The boys smiled.
"Nights go on forever. The important thing is you didn't give in." Demi said supportively. I looked away. "Did you give in?" She whispered. I refused to look at her. "Give me your wrist." She said softly. I knew there wasn't any point in fighting so I just did what she said. "Sierra." She sighed.
"I'm sorry! I couldn't help it! It drove me crazy! I listened to all your albums I tried calling you but no one answered. It was 4am. I didn't know what to do. Nothing was working so I just gave in. I'm sorry." I started crying. Demi hugged me.
"It's alright. It's not gonna change overnight. I understand. Just keep trying ok? I promise I'll keep my phone on at all times."
"Ok." I started crying all over again. I hugged all the boys too. Nothing's ever going to get better while I'm here. "Can I please come home? I'll see doctors and I'll stop I promise just please don't leave me here."
"We can't. You have to stay here for a while."
"When I'm with all of you I don't want to do it, I don't even think of it but when you go. When I'm alone that's when it happens. I promise I'll stop but please don't leave me."
"We can't." Harry said with pain in his eyes. I started crying again.
"It's evil here. I don't like it. Everyone treats me like I'm insane. I'm forced to do things. I just really don't like it."
"It will get better." Harry tried to reason but I just kept crying and refusing. It was time for them to leave.
"Please please please stay."
"I want to. But I can't." Harry tried to smile.
"Please. Please. Don't leave me."
"We have to. But we'll come again tomorrow. I'll see if we can go out tomorrow."
"You're making it sound like I'm a mental patient but ok."
"I'll see you tomorrow ok? I love you. You can do this. I'll text you ok?" Demi smiled and hugged me.
"Ok. I'll see you then." I watched them go. Amanda came over to me.
"It's hard watching them go." She said.
"Yeah." I whispered and turned to go to my room.
"Sierra I want you to go see a doctor tomorrow."
"Why?"
"I will still be there and I'm still your psychologist. But I think you need to see a doctor. I'll ring your friends and family. They can come and be here."
"Oh ok. Can you ring Harry and Demi? The other boys can come too but I need Demi and Harry."
"Ok. I'll ring them."
HARRY'S POV:
I felt so cruel leaving her like that. When we went to visit her she seemed so broken, so vulnerable. She looked exhausted. I didn't understand her pain. Demi tried to explain but couldn't find the right words. I'll never know the pain but I can imagine. We were driving back to the house. I got a phone call from the Rehab centre.
"Hello Mr Styles?"
"Hello yeah that's me."
"You're Sierra's older brother?"
"Yeah. What's wrong?"
"Her psychologist is sending her to a doctor. We can allow 2 people in with her and she requested you and Ms Lovato."
"Oh ok. Why is she being sent to a doctor? Did something happen?"
"Nothing's happened. She's fine. It's just that the psychologist can talk about the problems and can figure out things to an extent. But doctors can only figure out if there's anything wrong mentally. Amanda, her psychologist, wants to see of there's any mental problems first."
"So she's possibly crazy? How did she react to this?"
"We haven't told her why exactly she going to see a doctor. She's going to be fine. There's probably nothing wrong."
"Then why is she going to a doctor?"
"We just want to clear up and make sure that there's nothing wrong. It's what's best for her. It'll be good if you and Ms Lovato can be there for moral support."
"Of course! We'll be there! What time?"
"10.30am."
"Ok. See you then. Thank you. Bye." I hung up. I looked at Demi who was looking at me worried.
"What's going on?" She asked.
"Sierra's being referred to a doctor to see if there's any mental problems and 2 people can go with her and she chose me and you."
"Ok. As long as nothing else happened?"
"No. That's it."
"Ok. It'll be ok. You go through a billion doctors. There's nothing to worry about!" She assured me.
"She shouldn't be on her own like that."
"We can't do anything about it. If we could she knows we would stay there." I sighed slightly comforted by Demi's words. It was gonna be a long night for everyone.







AN: hi guys!! There's soo many reads on this which is unbelievable for me! thank you thank you a billion times thank you!! If you like this story check out my other ones please! share the love!! so I need ideas for who should play Dawn/Sierra. And I need a new cover too! so if you have any ideas comment them or inbox me if you have a cover please. I'll love you forever and dedicate a chapter to you and make you a character if you want! So thank you again, share the love please!
Stay strong I love you all
R xxxxxxx