My eyes fell on the blood pooling in the sink, bright scarlet against the white porcelain. The silver metal clanked against the sink stained with red. I felt oddly calm, "tommy come on we're going onstage in 10 minutes!" katy called banging on the door bringing me back to reality with a thud. "Im coming" I called back as I ran my arm under the cold water as it stung, I rummaged in my makeup bag and pulled out a bandage. Playing guitar means dry fingers that crack, crack and bleed so bandages are a must. I wrapped it round my arm washing the blood away from the sink.
I rinsed the razor and slid it into my bag as I pulled my sleeves down. I unlocked the door and smiled as katy and cam looked at me, "you've been in there ages is everything ok?" cam questioned. "Yeah I couldn't get my hair and make up right nothing major" I replied quickly. "It doesn't look any different" katy told me as I went into the dressing room. "I gave up" I replied shoving my bag into my case, "right" she said suspiciously.
"Shouldn't we be going?" I asked crossing the room and leaving as they followed, "seriously whats the rush you don't normally rush" cam said. I shrugged "something is up with you tommy. Im not stupid, you've been in the bathroom for ages saying your hair wouldn't go right it looks no different what are you lying about?" cam said as katy went on stage. "Urgh just drop it ok!" I snapped pushing past her and walking on stage.
I didn't need the lecture right now, if she knew she would flip out. The lights rose as the show started, as we made our way through the first half I realised it was way too hot on this stage for sleeves. I blew through my hair in an attempt to cool down, as the interval came round I left the stage in search of cool air. I went out the back door of the venue and leant against the wall, I moved my fringe from my face where it was stuck and breathed out heavily.
I sighed and put my hand over my arm, it was throbbing from earlier and using it for the show. I hated myself for doing it after all those months, I thought I was stronger than that but im not. Not anymore, everything's gone crap. "Hey" someone said as I turned and saw cam, "I don't need another lecture ok" I replied half heartedly. "I know, I came to apologise. I just worry about you that's all youre my best friend tommy. I know something is wrong, but im not going to make you tell me" she explained.
"Its ok I over reacted, I like that you care but im fine really. I just needed some air its hot in there" I said laughing quietly. "Well obviously youre wearing long sleeves, id be hot in that. Why don't you put a tshirt on?" she replied. "Nah I like this outfit we should probably go inside right second half and that" I answered going back inside. "Tommy! Wait, you never wear long sleeves!" she shouted after me, I ignored her and made my way backstage.
"This conversation isn't over tommy!" she hissed as we went back on stage, we played part of me. My mind drifted to my grandma dancing round her kitchen to they song while she was baking. I used to watch her, she used to get me to dance with her. I remember spinning her round as she laughed and my granddad filmed it, I missed those days it was her favourite song. Its little things like that I miss the most. I swallowed past the lump in my throat as tears started to slowly drip down my face.
I looked down at my fingers running over the strings of my guitar, cam made her way over "you ok?" she whispered as she walked past. I shook my head in response as the song finished, one more song left in the set list and then the tour is over for a few days. I sniffed and wiped my face with the back of my hand when the lights dimmed, they rose again as we started the last song. The audience erupted into ear splitting cheers and whoops as we bowed and left the stage. "Good show guys!" katy said, we nodded in agreement.
"Two days off" cam said as we packed our stuff, cam disappeared into the bathroom to wipe her makeup off as katy sat on the arm of the chair. "I saw the tears that song must have hit you hard" she stated crossing her arms, "it was dust" I replied as she laughed quietly. "Honey you forget I know you just as well as cam and adam, you've been weird for weeks you can tell me" she said crossing the room and sitting next to me by the dresser. I sighed "everything" I replied.
"Care to expand?" she asked, "im just so tired katy. Adam hasn't called me in days, Im scared to sleep because every night is just nightmares. They aren't bad when adam is there but hes hardly around anymore, I think he has someone else. I don't blame him, im a mess. I buried my grandma the other day, I miss her so much. She was always there, now shes not. Its feels as though in stuck in a dark hole with no way of escaping" I explained looking down at my laced fingers.
She slid her hand under my chin lifting my face to hers, "tommy why didn't you say anything we only want to help you. You know that right?" she said. "I didn't want you guys to worry, you have other things going on" I replied. She grabbed me pulling me into a tight hug, "tommy you crazy person. We all care about you idiot. You'll get through this I promise, we will help you" she said her hand resting on my arm as I pulled it away.
"Tommy what have you done" she asked seriously now, "nothing" I replied. I heard someone clear their throat as I turned and saw adam standing in the doorway, dressed in tight black jeans and a purple shirt. He smiled at me his blue eyes sparkling in the dressing room light, "hey kp" he said smirking. "Hey" she said smiling, "what are you doing here?" cam asked coming from the bathroom. "Came to meet my handsome boyfriend" he replied as I ran into his arms, "ready to go?" he asked as I nodded."Cool well see you in a few days" he said, "yeah see you. Take care tommy" katy replied as I nodded and took adams hand. We headed out of the venue and into the car as we made our way home.
