Losing It All Is Easier Than Getting It Back

Chapter 11

My fingers ran through his soft hair eagerly as his hand gently ran down my face. His lips became more forceful and passionate as the seconds passed and my mind became nothing more than a jumbled mess. His tongue ran ever so softly across my bottom lip and without any self consent I allowed him free passage. He readily explored my mouth, not missing a single crevice. As he did so his hands traveled from m face, one moving to run his fingers through my long hair, the other going down the curve in my back, supporting my weight.

I accidentally bit down gently on his bottom lip, luring a small moan from the depths of his throat. As soon as the small sound escaped I pushed against him almost violently in my haste to be free of his grasp. Being unprepared for my reaction I easily escaped him and was able to get around five feet from the bed before he was even able to truly process what had happened. Surprise and utter confusion crossed his face, his eyes both worried and almost scared.

“What? What's wrong?” he asked hurriedly.

I didn't reply for a moment as I tried to regain the breath that he seemed to have already recovered. I punched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes. Finally I met his gaze. “Zane you know that everything that just happened was completely wrong.” I said stiffly.

His eyebrows came together with confusion, “But you kissed me back...” he began but I cut him off.

“No that's not what I meant. It was all wrong. You're engaged Zane. Remember?” I exclaimed, feeling as if I had a new and even heavier amount of weight on my shoulders. My head was screaming for me to quickly get out of any beginnings of a situation with Zane but the more dominant part of my personality knew that I was falling hard and I wanted to keep going even though I knew it was wrong.

He got up off the bed and walked over to where I stood and I started to back away but he caught my shoulder gently. “I don't care anymore. I've given up trying to deny my feelings all because of some stupid arrangement.” he said firmly.

“It's not that easy Zane. You can't just ignore it. Eventually you'll have to face it.” I tried, feeling almost afraid and overwhelmed by his decision even though it was exactly what I wanted to hear. I wanted Zane to break away from Keera because in all honesty I wanted him. But the more practical side of my brain knew I could never have him. A human could never be with a vampire and that was just how it was. I knew that he would be better off with Keera even if I didn't want to believe it.

He brought one of his hands up, resting his palm on my cheek and his cool touch calmed my anxiety a bit. “Kat, you're the one who taught me to be myself and do what makes me happy. Bit what makes others happy. It is as simple as just ignoring it because it's not going to happen. I'll give up the thrown first. I'm tired of fighting with myself. I want you. Not Keera.”

My eyes squeezed shut as he spoke and a thrill of bitter-sweetness shot through me, bringing tears to my eyes. I shook my head away from his hand and backed away, hiding my face. I didn't want to cry in front of him. “No you don't Zane, I'm not a vampire. I'm not your equal.” I said just above a whisper.

“Don't say that. You are equal to me. And I don't care if you're human.” he replied desperately. “They can say what they want, I don't care.”

“No...” I tried weakly before my voice broke.

He came forward once more and stoked down my jawline softly. “Please. Kat I know that me confessing all of this is going to cause so many complications but I'm willing to go to that level. I know you're worth fighting for. I know it's frightening and I can see you're unsure but nothing would ever happen to you and I wouldn't do anything to hurt you.”