Mafia

Once upon a time

Some part of me had always known I would find myself back in this very position, with Luca once again a major player in my life, but for a while I'd been able to delude myself into believing otherwise. I wasn't stupid, I knew that the only reason I'd gotten out the first time was because he'd let me go, and at the time I had been so angry at him. I hadn't wanted him to let me go - I had wanted him to fight for me - but I had been so young and naive, it wasn't until later I realized that him letting me go had been the best thing for me at the time. I had needed time to grow up, to live my own life and embrace everything life had to offer. 

It wasn't until this very moment that I realized he had never actually let me go, he had just given me a reprieve, some time to mature and move on from that girl with stars in her eyes to become a woman that knew the harsh realities of the world. Life wasn't a walk on roses, it was about hard work and survival, and there was a lot of darkness to the good, but the demands he was making... I wasn't sure I could do it. He was asking me to give up my entire life, my freedom, and he might have said it was only until the debts were paid off, but I knew him and I knew it would never end there. I knew myself and Luca was my first love, the only man I had ever truly loved, and some part of me still did and from the look in his eyes and the confidence in which he spoke, he did too. 

"Why now?" I whispered, looking at him where he sat looking the dangerous man that he was, and begging him with my eyes to explain to me why he was doing this now. 

"You weren't ready then, you are now" was his simple reply and I shook my head, my fingers digging into the edge of the table, and for a second I felt like my entire world was crumbling around me. He had pushed me into a corner where I had no choice but to accept his deal, just like he knew I would. He knew how much my family meant to me - that I would do anything and everything to protect the people I love - and it was exactly the leverage he needed to get me exactly where he wanted me. 

"Ready for what? Even if I accept this deal, it doesn't change anything between us, Luca. We're done, you made sure of that a long time ago, I'm never going back to the way things were before." 

I had loved him so much - it was destructive how much I had loved him - how much part of me still loved him. Every fiber of my being responded to him, my heart had been in so many pieces after we broke up, I had been positive I would never be able to love another ever again and I had been right. After Luca I never loved anyone the same ever again, but I'd fallen in love in different ways, non-destructive ways, safe ways. What terrified me the most was that I knew, spending so much time with him would drag up all of those emotions I had worked so hard to bury again, and then he would have the power to completely and utterly destroy me. He wanted to own me, possess me, and I was scared to death that I didn't have enough willpower to resist him. I had never been able to before, he was so determined in everything he did, and if he wanted me it was only a matter of time before he would have his way. 

Knowing all of that I also knew something else. I wasn't that young and naive girl anymore, I wasn't about to just fall back into his arms and let him have everything he wanted, I would fight him every step of the way and it might be a losing battle, but I was sure as hell going to hold out for as long as I could. Luca might be the one man I would never be able to shake, but he had broken me once, and I wasn't about to forget that. 

"Ana, we never had easy. I can see it in your eyes that you don't intend to make this easy on me, and you can fight me as much as you want, but I also see something else in your eyes when you look at me. You still love me, whether you are willing to admit it or not, that's a fact. I gave you time, you lived your life and matured, and I loved the girl you were, but it is the woman you are now that I want. One day you will give into me, that too is just another fact." I should have been furious at the absolute confidence in his voice, but I hadn't expected anything different. Taking another sip of my wine I took my time, watching him quietly, seeing the differences between the man he once was and the man he was now, and like me he had changed but just how much I wasn't sure. 

"We'll see."