Tagged And Other Shit | diary

sad feelings

It hurts so much to learn to face reality, and carry on with your life, but you know what hurts more?

Being totally in love with someone that doesn't even know you exist.

It just feels like day after day, minute after minute and second after second, I keep on falling deeper and deeper for this person. He became my everything, always there in my heart when I'm down and always there when I'm happy. His flaws and ridged edges were what made me adore him more, his crooked grin and seductive stares were what had me swooning and fanning myself like a pathetic lunatic.

His other side of his personality was the one I adored and cherished more, the shy side. His embarrassingly cute blushes and sheepish grins, hysterical chuckles and adorable eye crinkling smiles had me cooing and weeping at my screen.

He made me the happiest girl alive yet also the saddest.

Because deep down, deep down I knew he wasn't mine and probably won't ever be and let alone acknowledge my presence in this world, I am just another one of his fangirls that fawns over him day and night. No one particularly talented or interesting, and compared to the other girls he has surrounding him non-stop, I am a nobody.

I cry every night, wishing I was someone else, and that I was able to meet up to the standards that he wants, needs and deserves, yet what I keep on forgetting is that no matter how pretty I become or how many wonderful talents I learn, it wouldn't be very much of a difference.

Since all I am in Kim Jongin's eyes, is just another fangirl caught up in a frenzy.

Bye.